14) You discover that “Chesty McBust” isn’t her real name, and she’s dialing in from Langley, VA. 13) You: Large, hairy man. Your online girlfriend: Large, hairy man. 12) Her postmaster rejects your e-mail not as “undeliverable” but as “unlikely to get you anywhere.” 11) After months of shared experiences and emotional investments, she attacks you in the Mines of Quarn with a Vorpal Sword when she learns you’re worth 45,000 points. 10) “Returned mail: User unknown and never wants to hear from you again.” 9) Your cyber-lover is just too busy editing that silly little Top 5 List. 8) Getting perhaps a bit too comfortable, she lets a reference to cutting her chin shaving slip by. 7) You discover that she has been cutting and pasting her orgasms. 6) You can barely make out your S. L.’s face in the JPEG she sent because she’s obscured by her 25 cats. 5) He claims to be the richest man in the world, but his GIF looks like some geek who works for a software company. 4) Since her first e-mail, Make.Money.Fastemail@example.com has become cold and distant. 3) She’s suddenly changed her address to firstname.lastname@example.org 2) Ken Starr launches an investigation into your relationship with the mysterious “email@example.com” 1) In an ironic twist of fate, you discover that the object of your affection is a curvaceous 18 year old, rather than the geeky 14 year old boy she’d pretended to be.