A sailor had been away at sea for six months so as soon as he
landed back on shore he headed for the nearest waterfront
bar. Inside the ‘Paradiso’ a few men were standing at the bar,
a pianist was tinkling on the ivories in the corner and a
monkey was hanging from the rafters. The sailor went up to
the bar and asked for a beer but before he could take a gulp
the monkey swung down and pissed in the glass.
“What!” roared the sailor. “Did you see that? Get me another
A second pint of beer was put before him and again the
monkey swung down and weed all over it.
The sailor was incensed and grabbed the barman by his shirt
front, threatening him with all manner of punishment.
“Hold on, mate,” said the barman, “it’s not my monkey, it’s
the pianist’s over there. The sailor marched over to the
corner and confronted the piano player.
“Do you know your monkey’s pissing in my beer?” he roared.
The pianist thought for a moment and then replied, “No,
but if you hum the tune, I’ll soon pick up the melody.”