An accountant dies and goes to Heaven. He is met by St Peter who goes through the usual questionnaire. What sort of accountant are you? says St PeterPublic Practitioner, is the reply.Name?He gives his name. St Peter goes through some files and pulls one out.Oh, yes. We’ve been expecting you. You’ve reached your allotted span, says St Peter.How can that be? says the accountant. I’m too young to go. I’m only forty-eightNo, thats impossible. Why do you say that?Well we’ve been looking at your time sheets and the hours you’ve charged your clients. By our reckoning you’re at least ninety three.
Hes such a sensitive child. Lets wait until hes older before we tell him youre an accountant.
Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries? They find bookkeeping too exciting.
Why do accountants make good lovers? Theyre great with figures.
Why do accountants get excited on Saturdays? They can wear casual clothes to work.
Why did the auditor cross the road? Because he looked in the file and thats what they did last year.
Why did he cross back? So he could charge the client for travel expenses.
Why did God invent economists? So accountants could have someone to laugh at.
Why accountants dont read novels? Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
Who was the first accountant? Adam. He got interested in figures, turned the first leaf, made the first entry, lost interest after withdrawal, buggered up the monthly accounts and raised the first liability.