Category Archives: Bar Jokes

Some funny things that you should NEVER say at the pub…

‘If I ever have twins, I’d use one for parts.’

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‘Animals may be our friends. But they won’t pick you up at the airport.’

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‘Contrary to what most people would say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It’s a shark riding on an elephant’s back, just trampling and eating everything they see.’

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‘I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.’

Yesterday…

Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldnt drive.

Two men who are out walking their dogs…

Two men who are out walking their dogs meet on a street corner. One says to the other, “Boy it sure is hot today. Id really like to go into the bar and get a beer, but the sign on the front door says, “No Pets Allowed,” and I cant leave Fido alone on the street.” The other man replies, “No problem, just stand by the door and watch me, and youll be having that beer real soon!” The second man reaches into his pocket and puts on a pair of dark sunglasses, and then walks into the bar. The bartender looks up and says, “Hey buddy, you cant bring that dog in here!” The man says, “But Im blind, and this is my seeing-eye dog!” The bartender says, “Oh, okay then.” The man drinks his beer and leaves. The first man then puts on dark sunglasses and goes into the bar. The bartender looks up and says, “Hey buddy, you cant bring that dog in here!” The man says, “But Im blind, and this is my seeing-eye dog!” The bartender says, “Oh really? Ive never heard of a Chihuahua seeing-eye dog!” The man, thinking quickly, blurts out, “Oh, man! You mean they gave me a Chihuahua?”