While driving down a steep and curvy logging road, a group of biologists loose control of their 4-wd Jimmy and careen down the hill. The truck piles up at the bottom of the canyon, and everyone aboard perishes. Surprisingly, they all go to heaven. At an orientation they are asked, When you are in your casket and your friends and family are mourning about your death, what would you like to hear them say about you?The first guy, a well known botanist says, I would like to hear them say that I was one of the greatest botanists of my time, and left an eternal contribution to the botanical world.The second guy, an ornithologist, says, I would like to hear that I was a wonderful birder and made a huge difference in the recovery of our bird populations.The last guy, a scruffy mammalogist, replies, I would like to hear them say… LOOK, HES MOVING!!!
Two biologists are in the field following the tracks of a radio-collared grizzly bear. All of a sudden, the bear crashes out of the brush and heads right for them. They scramble up the nearest tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them. The first biologist starts taking off his heavy leather hiking boots and pulls a pair of sleek running shoes from his back-pack. The second biologist gives him a puzzled look and says, What in the world are you doing?He replies, I figure when the bear gets close to us, well jump down and make a run for it.The second guy says, Are you crazy? We both know you cant outrun a full-grown grizzly bear.The first guy says, I dont have to outrun the bear, I only have to outrun you!
There were these two Engineers who decided they would go moose hunting in the backwoods of British Columbia. As it happened, they lucked out and got a moose. Unfortunately, they were about a mile from their truck. They were having a tough time dragging the animal by the hind legs when a Wildlife Biologist happened upon them.He said, You know, the hair follicles on a moose have a grain to them that causes the hair to lie toward the back. The way you are dragging that moose, it increases your coefficient of friction by a huge margin. If you grab it by the antlers and pull, you will find the work required to be quite minimal. The Engineers thanked him and started dragging the moose by the antlers. After about an hour, one Engineer said, I cant believe how easy it is to move this moose this way. I sure am glad we ran across that Biologist.Yeah., said the other. But we re getting further and further away from our truck.
Q: whats a biologists definition of a graph A: An animal with a long neck
Q: How so you call a member of the financial staff of the faculty of Biology? A: A Buy-ologist.
How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but it takes eight million years.
How many biologists does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to change it and three to write the environmental-impact statement.
How do you eat a DNA spaghetti? With a replication fork (you can also use your zinc fingers…)
Garvin the mammalogist, was in Alaska studying polar bear. In sub-zero weather, he would spend 7 days out on the ice. But, after his 7 days in the field, he would return to the small town and spend a day or two resting up and drinking in the only bar in town. On one particular day it was 40 below zero and Garvin made his way into the bar. He asked Bud, the bartender, for a whiskey. I dont know, Garvin, you sure have run-up a big bill in here. The bartender told him. I know, Garvin replied, But Im flat broke, and I sure could use a drink.OK, The barkeep told him, Ill just write your tab down on the piece of paper and pin it up here by the coat rack.Oh no, dont do that, I dont want everyone in town to see it.Dont worry, The bartender replied, Im going to cover it up with your parka until its paid!