Category Archives: Blonde Jokes

Doctor I’m hurting all over my body…

A brunette goes to the doctor, and says, “Doctor I’m hurting all over my body.” 

 

“That’s odd”, replied the doctor, “Show me what you mean” 

 

So the girl takes her finger and pokes her elbow, and screams in pain. She touches her knee and cries in agony and so on. 

 

The doctor says, “You’re not a natural brunette are you?” 

 

“No I’m a blonde”, she replies. 

 

“I thought so…. your finger is broken.”, replies the doctor.

A little blonde girl comes back from school one evening…

A little blonde girl comes back from school one evening. 

She runs to her mum and says: “Mummy today at school we learnt how to count. Well, all the other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10! It’s good, innit?” 

“Yes, darling, very good.” Answers the mom. 

“Is that because I’m blonde?” she asks. 

“Yes, darling, it’s because you’re blonde.” The mom says. 

Next day, the little girl comes back from school and says: “Mummy, today at school we learnt the alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as D, but listen to me: A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K! It’s good, innit?” 

“Yes, darling, very good.” Answers the mom. 

“Is that because I’m blonde, mummy?” she asks. 

“Yes, darling it’s because you’re blonde.” The mom says. 

Next Day, she returns from school and cries: “Mummy, today we went swimming. Well, all the other girls have no breasts, but look at me!” She proceeds to flash her impressive 36D at her mummy. “Is that because I’m blonde, mummy?” 

“No darling, it’s because you’re 25.”

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana…

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. 

 

She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. 

 

After becoming very frustrated with the “no haggle” attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, “Maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!” 

 

The shopkeeper said, “By all means, be my guest. Maybe you’ll luck out and catch yourself a big one!” 

 

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. 

 

Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. 

 

Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. 

 

Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement. 

 

Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back. Frustrated, she shouts out, “Damn it, this one isn’t wearing any shoes either!”

A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment…

A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets. First, they called the brunette in and asked her a question. 

“If you could go to any planet, what planet would you want to go to and why?” 

After pondering the question she answered, “I would like to go to Mars because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extra terrestrial life on the planet.” 

They said “well okay, thank you.” And told her that they would get back to her. 

Next, the redhead entered the room and the NASA people asked her the same question. In reply, “I would like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings.” Again, “thank you” and they would get back to her. 

Finally, the blond entered the room and they asked her the same question they asked the brunette and the redhead. She thought for a while and replied, “I would like to go to the sun.” 

The people from NASA replied, “why, don’t you know that if you went to the sun you would burn to death?” 

The blond smirked and put her hands on her hips. “Are you guys dumb? I’d go at night!”

A blonde guy gets home early from work…

A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed,sweating and panting. “What’s up?” he says. “I’m having a heart attack,” cries the woman. 

 

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he’s dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,”Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted’s hiding in your closet and he’s got no clothes on!” 

 

The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. 

 

Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closetfloor. 

 

You rotten bastard, “says the husband,”my wife’s having a heart attack and you’re running around naked scaring the kids!!!

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes…

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all 

these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, 

so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are 

smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is 

going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. 

 

Continue reading This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes…

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes…

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all 

these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, 

so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are 

smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is 

going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. 

 

The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets

down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and 

smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living 

room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. 

He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at 

the same time. 

 

He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks 

what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him 

that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by

painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket 

over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the 

directions on the paint can and they said…. 

FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.

Once there were 3 people in an airplane…

Once there were 3 people in an airplane, one took a bite out of

an apple. She thought it was too sweet so she threw it out of 

the plane. The second person took a bite out of a lemon and she 

thought it was too sour so, she threw it out of the plane. Then 

the last person took a bite out of a grenade and he thought it 

was too crunchy so, he threw it out of the plane. Then they 

landed and decided to go for a walk. They first passed a little 

girl who was crying and they asked, “little girl, little girl, 

why are you crying?” and the little girl said, “an apple came 

down and killed my new kitty”. Next they passed a little boy 

who 

was also crying. And they again asked, “little boy, little boy, 

why are you crying?” and the little boy said, “a lemon came 

down 

and killed my new puppy.” Then they passed a blonde sitting on 

the side walk laughing her butt off. They asked, “why are you 

laughing so hard?” and the blonde said, “I farted and the 

building behind me blew up!!!”

A plane is on its way to Detroit…

A plane is on its way to Detroit when a blonde woman in economy class gets up and moves into an open seat in the first class section. 

 

The flight attendant watches her do this, and politely informs the woman that she must sit in economy class because that’s the type of ticket she paid for. 

 

The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Detroit and I’m staying right here.” 

 

After repeated attempts and no success at convincing the woman to move, the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-piolet that there’s a blonde bimbo sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her proper seat. The co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to move, but once again the woman replies by saying, “I’m blonde, I’m beatiful, I’m going to Detroit and I’m staying right here.” 

 

The co-pilot returns to the cockpit and suggests that perhaps they should have the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrested when they land. The pilot says, “You say she’s blonde? I’ll handle this. I’m married to a blonde. I speak blonde.” He goes back to the woman and whispers quietly in her ear, and she says, “Oh, I’m sorry,” then quickly moves back to her seat in economy class. 

 

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to get her to move back to economy without causing any fuss. 

 

“I told her first class isn’t going to Detroit.”