Why do most people have trouble obtaining blood transfusions in Taiwan? Because they only have Taipei.
O’Connell was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when
he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet
running down his leg.
“Please, God,” he implored, “let it be blood!”
A man walks into a friend and sees that his friend’s car
is total loss and covered with leaves, grass, branches,
dirt and blood. He asks his friend,
“What’s happened to your car?”
“Well,” the friend responses, “I ran into a lawyer”.
“OK,” says the man, “that explains the blood… But what about
the leaves, the grass, the branches and the dirt?”
“Well, I had to chase him all through the park.”
After finding blood in my poo I rushed to the doctor’s surgery and endured the most prolonged, humiliating rectal examination ever.
“So, what’s the verdict?” I asked anxiously.
“We can probably book you in to see a nurse next Monday” replied the receptionist.
My wife pretended to give birth to her tampon and held it up in the air. She then started singing ‘The Circle of Life’ and used the blood from the tampon make a mark on her forehead whilst whispering, “Simba”.
I don’t think she is coping with her miscarriage too well at all.
I was watching ‘The Chase’ on TV this afternoon, when that fat fucker who thinks they know everything came on.
My wife hadn’t shoved a tampon up her fanny and there was blood all over the couch.
Keith Richards of The Rolling Stones is rumoured to travel to Switzerland twice a year to have his blood changed.
The new blood is fresh and toxin free, while the old blood has a street value of a hundred thousand pound.
If vampires don’t have blood, how did he get an erection in Twilight?
Also, why the fuck did I watch Twilight?
Some women are never happy.
My pregnant wife was moaning that she couldn’t reach the kettle. Her belly was bumping against the kitchen worktop, so I found a saw and cut some of it away.
Now she’s crying because there’s a pool of blood and a dead baby on the floor.