One day a man walks up to a beautiful woman working in a library.
“I’ll bet you three hundred dollars that by this time tomorrow your nipples will be gone”
The woman is completely shocked and doesn’t know what to say.
“I’m completely serious,” he says as he puts an envelope full of money on the counter “by this time tomorrow your nipples will be gone. You won’t see me until tomorrow and i will not attack you and slice off your nipples, they just will not be there tomorrow.”
The woman says nothing, just nods her head, and the man walks out of the building. The rest of the day she avoids all sharp edges and dark corners. That night she takes a cab home and rushes up the stairs to avoid any Psychotic Nipple Slashers hiding in her building.
The next morning as she’s taking a shower, she happily notes that her nipples are still where they are supposed to be.
That day when the man returns to her store, a second man in tow, she is thinking ‘easy money’.
“Well???” says the man.
The woman lifts her shirt and proudly displays her nipples. True to his word the man gives her the three hundred dollars.
The second man hands the first a huge envelope with a look of amazement.
“Excuse me, what is that?” inquires the woman.
“Oh, he be me a thousand dollars that he could walk in here, say only one word, and get you to show us your tits.”
A fellow is going on tour of a factory that produces various latex products.
At the first stop, he’s shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud Hiss-Pop! noise.
“The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold,” explains the guide.
“The popping sound is a needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple.”
Later, the tour reaches the part of the factory where condoms are manufactured. The machine makes a noise: Hiss, Hiss, Hiss, Hiss-Pop!
“Wait a minute!” says the man taking the tour. “I understand what the hiss, hiss is, but what’s that pop every so often?”
“Oh, it’s just the same as in the baby-bottle nipple machine,” says the guide. “It pokes a hole in every fourth condom.”
“Well, that can’t be good for the condom!” the man states.
“Yeah, but it’s great for the baby-bottle nipple business!”
* Perpetual delays at airport security scanners.
* Potential law suits from elderly people with pacemakers.
* A friend asks to see your “ring” and in a blonde moment you almost do it.
* For some reason, combs will seem like threats.
* Mud wrestling as an occupation is no longer an option.
* Cats and babies are attracted to shiny things.
* You’ll now have to deal with Velcro nightmares.
* The aging process has taken on a whole new meaning.
* Skinny dipping is a real challenge because of your artificial lures.
* Lightning… it’s not just something that happens to other people anymore.
* You gain a new and much higher threshold for pain.
* You have more than just your purse to keep from losing your car keys.
* With a little body English and a short copper wire, you can pick up pay-per-view if the weather is right.
* You can now jump car batteries without cables.
* With only a spinning table and spot light you can earn extra cash renting yourself out to Club parties.
* Those nasty stretch marks are no longer the center of attention for your husband or boyfriend.
* You always have a ready replacement if you lose your wedding ring.
* Every elf in the universe is now your loyal friend for life.
* Hanging “ten” is child’s play. Hanging “by two”?? Now that’s impressive!
* Hard vibrators can be “way more” than a girl’s best friend.
A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, “I wish I had bigger tits”.
The boyfriend says “Well what I recommend is to get some toilet tissue and rub it between your tits for 2 months”.
“How will that help to make my tits bigger?” asks the girlfriend.
“Well it worked for your ass” says the boyfriend.
A pretty primary school teacher is concerned about one of her pupil’s, so she take’s him aside after class & says “Jack, I’m concerned about your work, you seem distracted”. Blushing, Jack says “I’m in love Miss”
Smiling, the Teacher says “Who with?” Jack says, “You, Miss”. The Teacher says “But Jack, dont you see how silly this is? It’s true, I want a husband one day but I dont want a child”. Jack says “Dont worry Miss, I’ll pull out & cum on your tits!
My wife called from the office, all cranky, claiming that her breasts don’t get enough support.
Later she was standing having a smoke with her co-workers, and to her shock she noticed me across the road, with a big foam hand, singing, ”Come on you tits!”
Me and the wife were sat outside a cafe earlier when an absolutely stunning blonde with big tits and a perfect body walked past us:
“Quit your fucking staring” snarled the wife.
“It’s hard not to… your husband’s got his cock out” said the blonde.
When I was 11, I lost my hand virginity to a picture of Emma Bunton’s tits.
Unfortunately, due to me recently getting drunk in the local IKEA, it’s not the only time I’ve masturbated over a spice rack.
Husband and Wife on 10th anniversary. The wife undresses and says: “What did you think when I stripped 10 years ago?”
He says: “I wanted to fuck your brains out and suck your tits dry”.
She says: “What are you thinking now?”
“Looks like I did a pretty good job!”