Two Italian construction workers were in the field on an extremely hot day working.. the one says to the other hey how come we do all a da work and he gets all a da money? pointing to the supervisor. The other says, I dont know, go ask him. So Guido goes up to the supervisor and says Hey, how come we do all a da work and you get all a da money? The supervisor says Intelligence.Guido says what is this intelligence?The supervisor puts his hand on a tree and says Hita myhand as hard as you can!Guido winds up and with all his might tries to hit thesupervisors hand. Just as he almost does the supervisorpulls his hand away and Guido hits the tree! The supervisorsays Thats intelligence.Still smarting Guido goes back to his co-worker and hisco-worker says Hey what did he say?With a sheepish look on his face Guido puts his hand on hisface and says hita my hand as hard as you can. . .
Two government economists were returning home from a field meeting. As with all government travelers, they were assigned the cheapest seats on the plane so they each were occupying the center seat on opposite sides of the aisle.They continued their discussion of the knotty problem that had been the subject of their meeting through takeoff and meal service until finally one of the passengers in an aisle seat offered to trade places so they could talk and he could sleep.After switching seats, one economist remarked to the other that it was the first time an economic discussion ever kept anyone awake.
Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter. Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one. As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong.Gasping for breath, she replied, When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured Id better run too!
Little Johnny was in class and the teacher announced that they were going to try something different to help everyone get to know each other a little better, and to help with their spelling. She explained, I want you to stand up and give us the occupation of your father, spell it, and say one thing he would give us all if he was here today. The first student raised her hand to volunteer. Marcy, the teacher said. You may go first. Marcy replied, My father is a banker. B-A-N-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a shiny new penny. The teacher said, Very nice, Marcy, who wants to go next? Kevin stood up and announced, My father is a baker. B-A-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a freshly-baked cookie. Very good, the teacher told Kevin. Jeff was next, and he said, My father is an accountant. A-K, no wait, A-C-K, no… nBefore he could attempt to spell it once more, the teacher cut him off and told him to sit back down and to think about it for a while. When he thought he knew how to spell it, he could stand back up and try again. Little Johnny raised his hand in excitement hoping to be acknowledged by the teacher. The teacher called on little Johnny to go next. Johnny said, My father is a bookie. B-O-O-K-I-E and if he was here today, he would give us all 20:1 odds Jeff will never be able to spell accountant.
Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. Finally she couldnt take it any longer, and told him, Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!. Really? he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store. A clerk answers and Tom says Can I please talk to the Vice President of peas? The clerk replies Canned or frozen?
Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didnt do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning by almost two hours. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.Boss, he said, The pill actually worked!Thats all fine said the boss, But where were you yesterday?
This is the story of four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybodys job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldnt do it. Consequently, it wound up that Nobody told Anybody, so Everybody blamed Somebody.
This guy is walking with his friend. He says to this friend, Im a walking economy. The friend replies How so? My hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and both of these together are putting me into a deep depression!
This guy is selling three parrots. Another guy who wants to buy a parrot approaches him and asks, How much are your parrots?The salesman answers, The first one is $1,000. What does he know?He knows 10,000 words and 500 sentences and is able to solve mathematical expressions.How about the second one?The second parrot costs $5,000.What does he know?He knows 100,000 words and 10,000 sentences, is able to solve mathematical expressions, and create computer programs.Then what is the price for the third one?, the buyer is wondering.This one costs $20,000.Really?!, wonders the exciting buyer. What does he know?This one knows absolutely nothing, but the two others always call him THEIR BOSS.
These two construction workers always noticed that their boss always left early on Fridays. So one asked the other that if the boss left early next Friday if he would want to also. The other man agreed. Sure enough, when Friday came, the boss left early. Therefore, the two men left also. The one offered the other to join him down at the bar, but he decided to just head on home. When he arrived home, he heard a noise from up stairs. When he reached the top of the stairs, he noticed that the noise was coming from the bedroom. He opened the door and saw his boss sleeping with his wife, so he quietly closed the door and headed back down the stairs and out the front door. He made his way down to the bar to see if his friend was still there and he was. His friend asked, I thought you were headed home? The man replied, I did, but this is the last time I ever leave work early a gain. His friend asked, Whys that? The man replied, I almost got caught by the boss.