A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. In English, he said, A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative. A voice from the back of the room piped up, Yeah, right.
A kid called up his mom from his college and asked her for some money, because he ran out of it. His mom said, Sure, sweetie. Ill will send you some money. You also left your calculus book here when you visited 2 weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?Uhh, oh yeah, okay, responded the kid.So his mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package and went to the post office to mail the money and the book.When she gets back, her husband asked, Well how much did you give the boy his time?She said, Oh, I wrote 2 checks, one for $20 and the other for $1000 out to him.Thats $1020! yelled her husband. Are you crazy?Dont worry, Hon, she said. I taped the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $1000 one somewhere between the pages in chapter 19!
A college student was in a philosophy class which had a discussion about Gods existence. The professor presented the following logic:Has anyone in this class heard God? Nobody spoke.Has anyone in this class touched God? Again, nobody spoke.Has anyone in this class seen God? When nobody spoke for the third time, he simply stated, Then there is no God.One student thought for a second, and then asked for permission to reply. Curious to hear this bold students response, the professor granted it, and the student stood up and asked the following questions of his classmates:Has anyone in this class heard our professors brain? Silence.Has anyone in this class touched our professors brain? Silence.Has anyone in this class seen our professors brain? When nobody in the class dared to speak, the student concluded, Then, according to our professor s logic, it must be true that our professor has no brain!You cant argue with that!
A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination. On the paper there was a single line which simply said: Is this a question? – Discuss. After a short time he wrote: If that is a question, then this is an answer. The student received an A on the exam. A Boston brokerage house advertised for a young Harvard graduate or the equivalent. Among the inquiries received was one from a Yale grad. He said, Do you mean two Princeton men, or a Yale man part time?
A college friend was going to meet a young lady he new.An old flame? I asked. He winked and said, More like an unlit match.
Where are my shoes? asked the Iowa State professor as the class ended. Theyre on your feet, said one of the students. So they are, said the professor. Its a good thing you saw them, or I would have gone home without them!
Professor, I hear your wife has had twins. Boys or girls? Well, I believe one is a girl and one is a boy but it may be the other way around.
Now my motto in life, said the school chaplain, is work hard, play hard and pray hard. How about you, Harriet?My motto is let bygones be bygones.Thats good. Why did you choose that?Then I wouldnt have to take any history classes!
Did you hear? Laments gettin a Ph.D.What does Ph.D. stand for? in his case, Pin-headed Dope.