Category Archives: Condom Jokes

President Boris Yeltsin called Clinton with an emergency…

President Boris Yeltsin called Clinton with an emergency: “Our largest condom factory has exploded!” the Russian President cried; “my people’s favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!”

“Boris, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you,” replied the President.

“I do need your help,” said Yeltsin. “Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?”

“Why certainly! I’ll get right on it!” said Clinton.

“Oh, and one more small favor, please?” said Yeltsin.

“Yes?”

“Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10″ long and 4″ in diameter?” said Yeltsin.

“No problem,” replied the President and, with that, Clinton hung up and called the President of Trojan. “I need a favor….you’ve got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send them to Russia.”

“Consider it done,” said the President of Trojan.

“Great! Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10″ long and 4″ wide.”

“Easily done. Anything else?”

“Yeah,” said the President, “print ‘MADE IN AMERICA, SIZE SMALL’ on each one.

A man goes into a drug store and asks the cashier for some condoms…

A man goes into a drug store and asks the cashier for some condoms. The cashier asks, “What size?”

 

The man replies, “Size? I didn’t know they came in sizes.”

 

“Yes, they do,” she says, “What size do you want?”

 

“Well, gee, I don’t know,” the man answers.

 

The lady is used to this, so she tells him to go to the back yard and measure his penis by sticking it into each of the three holes in the fence. While the man is back there, the lady sneaks around to the other side of the fence and spreads her legs behind each hole as the man tests it. When they return, the cashier asks, “What will it be? Small, medium, or large?”

 

The man replies, “To hell with the condoms, give me a hundred feet of that fence back there!”

The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students…

The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, “Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?”

 

“I’m in love.” the boy replied.

 

Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, “With whom?”

 

“With you!” he said.

 

“But Johnny,” she said gently, “don’t you see how silly that is? It’s true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don’t want a child.”

 

“Oh, don’t worry,” the boy said reassuringly, “I’ll use a condom!”

The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an eagle to a condom…

The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an eagle to a condom because it more accurately reflects the government’s political stance.

 

A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you’re actually being screwed.

 

Damn, it just doesn’t get more accurate than that.