What did the cowboy maggot say when he went into the saloon bar? Gimme a slug of whiskey.
What advice to cows give? Turn the udder cheek and mooooove on!
Visitor: Wow, you have a lot of flies buzzing round your horses and cows. Do you ever shoo them? Cowboy: No we just let them go barefoot.
Three cowboys were hanging out in the bunkhouse. I know that smart aleck Tex, said the first. Hes going to start bragging about that new foreign car he bought as soon as he gets back. Not Tex, the second cowboy replied. Hell always be just a good ol boy. When he walks in, Im sure all hell say is hello. I know Tex better than either of you, said the third. Hes so smart, hell figure out a way to do both. Here he comes now. Tex swung open the bunkhouse door and shouted, Audi, partners!
Three cowboys of the world are sitting around camp talking about how tough they were and the tales kept getting bigger and bigger. The cowboy from Australia says, I wrestled a 200 pound crocodile and may it cry like a baby. The Cowboy from Brazil shakes his head and says, I killed a 400 pound steer with my bare hands. The Cowboy from Texas just smiled and kept stirring the campfire with his leg.
The swing doors of the Wild West saloon crashed open and in came Little Pete, black with fury. All right! he raged, all right! Who did it? What goldarned varmint painted my horse blue? The huge figure of Black Jake, notorious gunfighter and town baddie rose from a chair by the door. It was me, shrimp, he drawled, bunching his gigantic fists, what about it? Oh, well, er, stammered little Pete wretchedly, all I wanted to say was. . .when are you going to give it another coat?
The eastern lady who was all ready to take a horseback ride said to the cowboy, Can you get me a nice gentle pony? Shore, said the cowboy. What kind of a saddle do you want, English or western? Whats the difference? asked the lady. The western saddle has a horn on it, said the cowboy. If the traffic is so thick here in the mountains that I need a horn on my saddle, I dont believe I want to ride.
The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions.Ever have an accident?Nope, nary a one.None? Youve never had any accidents.Nope. Aint never had one. Never.Well, you said on this form you were bit by a snake once. Wouldnt you consider that an accident?Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose.
The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this he whispered to the cowboy, Sorry, sir, but youre only allowed one seat. The cowboy groaned but didnt budge. The usher became more impatient. Sir, if you dont get up from there, Im going to have to call the manager. The cowboy just groaned. The usher marched briskly back up the aisle. In a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, All right buddy, whats youre name? Sam, the cowboy moaned. Where ya from, Sam? With pain in his voice Sam replied…. The balcony.
Swint and Fess, two Oklahoma cowboys, were resting their horses out on the range. Whatd Emmaline give yew for yore birthday? asked Swint. Pair of cufflinks, said Fess. But I aint got no use for them. I cant even find anyplace to get my wrists pierced.