Category Archives: Doctor Jokes

A man and wife entered a dentist’s office…

A man and wife entered a dentist’s office.

 

The wife said, “I want a tooth pulled. I don’t want gas or any anaesthetic because I’m in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible.”

 

“You’re a brave woman!”; said the dentist; “Now, show me which tooth it is”

 

The wife turns to her husband and says, “Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear.”

One morning, the doctor and his wife were having a very heated argument over breakfast…

One morning, the doctor and his wife were having a very heated argument over breakfast.

 

As he stormed out of the house on his way to the clinic, the doctor angrily yelled to his wife, “You aren’t that good in bed either!”

 

By midmorning, he decided that he had better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife, clearly out of breath, answered the phone. “What took you so long to answer and why are you panting?”

 

The wife replied, “I was in bed.”

 

Then the doctor asked, “What in the world are you doing in bed at this hour?”

 

His wife responded, “Getting a second opinion.”

One afternoon, a man went to his doctor…

One afternoon, a man went to his doctor and told him that he hasn’t been feeling well lately. The doctor examined the man, left the room, and came back with three different bottles of pills.

 

The doctor said, “Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you wake up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after you eat lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water.”

 

Startled to be put on so much medicine, the man stammered, “Jeez Doc, exactly what is my problem?”

 

The doctor replied, “You’re not drinking enough water.”

This 65-year-old woman is naked…

This 65-year-old woman is naked, jumping up and down on her bed laughing and singing.

 

Her husband walks into the bedroom and sees her. He watches her a while and then says, “You look ridiculous, what on earth are you doing?”

 

She says; “I just got my check-up and my doctor says I have the breasts of an eighteen-year-old.” She starts laughing and jumping again.

 

He says, “Yeah, right! And what did he say about your 65 year-old ass?”

 

She says; “Well, he never mentioned anything about you .”

This 65-year-old woman is naked…

This 65-year-old woman is naked, jumping up and down on her bed laughing and singing.

 

Her husband walks into the bedroom and sees her. He watches her a while and then says, “You look ridiculous, what on earth are you doing?”

 

She says; “I just got my check-up and my doctor says I have the breasts of an eighteen-year-old.” She starts laughing and jumping again.

 

He says, “Yeah, right! And what did he say about your 65 year-old ass?”

 

She says; “Well, he never mentioned anything about you .”

The aircraft was cruising at thirty-five thousand feet…

The aircraft was cruising at thirty-five thousand feet and everyone had just finished having their lunch. The soft whining of the engines was coaxing passengers to sleep. Sitting in economy class , row 22 seat B, was an Anesthetist wiggling his toes in an attempt to prevent deep vein thrombosis developing in his feet.

 

As he sipped a complimentary glass of water , a frantic message came over the public address system; “Anesthetist urgently needed for someone in Business Class!”

 

Hoping that someone else would get up, our Anesthetist pretended not to hear and looked out of the window. The call came again; “Please … we urgently need an Anaesthetist for someone in Business Class “

 

Perhaps this was serious . Why did they need an Anesthetist ? Maybe it was a cardiac arrest! Trying to recall the ABC’s , the Anesthetist got the attention of one of the cabin staff.

 

They were so relieved; “Thank you Sir, for volunteering to help us. There is this gentleman who needs your urgent assistance in Business Class”.The anesthesiologist was taken to the Business Class section.

 

Wow! There was so much space. It was another world compared to the cramped Economy Class. But where was the patient ? There were only a few passengers , and all were asleep except one of them who was reading a newspaper. Nobody seemed to be in any distress. This was perplexing .

 

Suddenly the man reading the newspaper looked up. He was a rather well fed gentleman and had a grumpy voice; ” Are you an Anesthetist ?”

 

“Yes … ?” “Oh .. that’s great! I am an Orthopedic Surgeon , and have been looking for an Anesthetist . So glad that they managed to find one ….”

 

This was getting frightening. Was this man trying to do surgery in this aircraft ? The nervous Anesthetist managed to ask ; “How may I help you ?”

 

The surgeon replied; “Well I have been trying to read this newspaper …but the reading light isn’t aimed correctly. Can you please adjust it for me ….”

An elderly patient needed a heart transplant…

An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor.

 

The doctor said, “We have three possible donors; tell me which one you want to use. One is a young, healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident. The second is a middle-aged businessman who never drank or smoked and who died in his private plane. The third is an attorney who just died after practicing law for 30 years.”

 

“I’ll take the lawyer’s heart,” said the patient.

 

After a successful transplant, the doctor asked the patient why he had chosen the donor he did.

 

“It was easy,” the patient replied. “I wanted a heart that had not been used.”