If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? – The dog. Hell shut up once you let him in.
Everybody has a dog called Rover or Spot. I call my dog “Sex”.
When I went to city hall to buy a licence I told the clerk I wanted a licence for Sex. He said “I’d like one too.” But then I said “This is a dog.” He said he didn’t care what she looked like. Then I said “You don’t understand I’ve had Sex since I was nine years old.” He said “You must have been quite a kid.”
When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife, me and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the place was for sex. I said “You don’t understand Sex keeps me awake at night.” The clerk said “Me too.”
One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me that I should have sold my own tickets. “But you don’t understand,” I said. I hoped to have Sex on T.V. He called me a show off.
When my wife and I seperated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said “Your honor, I had Sex before I was married.” The judge said “Me too.” Then I told him that after I was married Sex left. He said “Me too.”
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked “What are you doing in this alley at 4 o’clock in the morning?” I said I’m looking for Sex.
My case comes up Friday.
Four workers were discussing how smart their dogs were. The first was an engineer who said his dog could do math calculations. His dog was named T-Square, and he told him to get some paper and draw a square, a circle and a triangle, which the dog did with no sweat. The accountant said he thought his dog was better. His dog was named Slide Rule. He told him to fetch a dozen cookies, bring them back, and divide them into piles of three, which he did with no problem. The chemist said that was good, but he felt his dog was better. His dog Measure was told to get a quart of milk and pour seven ounces into a ten ounce glass. The dog did this with no problem.
All three men agreed this was very good and that their dogs were equally smart. They all turned to the union member and said, What can your dog do?. The Teamster called his dog whose name was Coffee Break and said, Show the fellows what you can do. Coffee Break went over and ate the cookies, drank the milk, went to the bathroom on the paper, claimed he injured his back while eating, filed a grievance for unsafe working conditions, applied for Workmen’s Compensation and left for home on sick leave.
Police officer: Excuse me, but your dog has been chasing a man on his bicycle. Dog owner: Are you crazy? My dog cant even ride a bicycle.
Would you rather have a 300-pound dog chase you or a tiger? Id rather have him chase the tiger.
Why was the mother flea so unhappy? All her children had gone to the dogs.
Why should you never watch a video with a Chihuahua? It always plays with the paws button on the VCR.
Why is it hard for Chihuahuas to type on a keyboard? They’re all paws.
Why is it called a litter of puppies? Because they mess up the whole house!
Why is a dog with a lame leg like adding 6 and 7s? He puts down the three and carries the one.