A man enters an elevator of a fine hotel and says “Ballroom please”
To which the lady standing in front of him replies “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was crowding you.”
This is generally a man, and the moment he steps inside the lift he has only one question for everybody inside the lift: “Which floor?” He is the type that gets upset if you have already pressed the button. Throughout the journey, he will stand next to the buttons. If you give him a chair to sit inside the lift he wouldn’t really mind. He is also the guy who presses the >< and <> buttons to close or open the lift whenever necessary.
Both a man or a woman can be an evaluator. This person runs an eye over everybody in the lift. Once the first glance is cast, he or she then starts focusing on individuals and starts marking them eye to toe. There are various parameters on which such people evaluate you – which company you could be working in, single or married, how much you could earning, how much does that shiny shoe cost etc.
“Well, it was a quite shocking, I must say — there was blood everywhere!” Alfred Hitchcock began suddenly from the rear of the elevator. We were in the New York St. Regis Hotel, heading down to the lobby. There was as light flush to his cheeks from the several frozen dauquiris he had just drunk in his suite. The elevator had just stopped and 3 people dressed for the evening had joined us, and immediately Mr. Hitchcock had started to speak, sounding as though he were in midsentence and projecting in that careful and familiar TV tone of his.
He went on, “There was as stream of blood coming from his ear and another from his mouth.”
The people had recognized him immediately, but now they seemed purposely to avoid looking at him. He went right on, gazing beatifically ahead of him as the elevator stopped again and another well-dressed couple came aboard: “Of course, there was a huge pool of blood on the floor and his clothes were spattered with it — Oh, it was a horrible mess.”
No one on the elevator, it seemed, was breathing. “Blood all around! Well, I looked at the poor man and and I said, ‘Good God, What happened to you?'” At that point the elevator doors opened onto the lobby, and Hitchcock said, “Do you know what he told me?” and then paused. After a moment, and quite reluctantly, the other passengers moved out of the elevator and then looked back at the director as we walked away.
After several foggy moments, I asked, “Well, what DID he say?” and Hitchcock smiled benevolently, taking my arm, and said, “Oh, nothing — that’s just my elevator story.”
Bill, Jim and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper. After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken & they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room. Bill said to Jim and Scott, “Let’s break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I’ll tell jokes for 25 flights, Jim can sing songs for the next 25 flights and Scott can tell sad stories for the rest of the way.”
At the 26th floor, Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing.
At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories.
“I will tell my saddest story first,” Scott said. “I left the room key in the car….”
An old lady is visiting Las Vegas and is returning to her hotel room one evening. She gets in the elevator only to be directly followed by a sharply dressed black man and his two enormous bodyguards. As they tower over her one of the men says, “hit the floor”, at which the poor lady falls immediately to the ground cowering in terror and proffering her purse to the attackers.
She is then pulled to her feet by the concerned black gentleman who, it turns out, was only asking his colleague to press the button for their floor.
He is Eddie Murphy (or any other famous black man).
A hillbilly family took a vacation to New York City. One day, the father took his son into a large building. They were amazed by everything they saw, especially the elevator at one end of the lobby. The boy asked, “What’s that, Pa?”
The father responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don’t know what it is!”
While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old lady walked up up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady walked between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened again, and a voluptuous twenty-four-year old woman stepped out.
The father turned to his son and said, “Boy, go get your ma!”
Englishman: Which way is the lift, gentleman?
American: you mean the elevator?
E: yes, we call it a lift
A: We invented that thing. It should be called an elevator.
E: Yes, but we invented English!
Accidentally pooped my pants in the elevator.
I’m taking this shit to a whole new level.