A guy steps into an elevator and there’s just one attractive woman in it. He turns around to push the button for his floor and his elbow bumps right into her breast. He says, Oh, I’m so sorry. If your heart is as soft as your breast, I hope you’ll be able to forgive me. She looks at him a few seconds and says, That’s all right. If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I’m in room 204.
Paul got off the elevator on the 40th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date’s door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said. I’ll be ready in a few minutes, she said. Why don’t you play with Rollo while you’re waiting? He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up and if you make a hoop with your arms, he’ll jump through. The dog followed Paul onto the balcony and started rolling over. Paul made a hoop with his arms and Rollo jumped through– and over the balcony railing to the ground 40 floors down.Just then Paul’s date walked out. Isn’t Rollo the cutest, happiest dog you’ve ever seen? To tell the the truth, he replied, he seemed a littledepressed to me.
An Avon lady was along in an elevator when she suddenly hadto fart. She promptly reached into her bag and sprayed the airwith her deodorizer.Two floors later a gentleman got onto the elevator.He began to sniff.The Avon lady asked, Do you smell something? Why, yes, I do, he replied. What does it smell like? Hmmm, I’m not sure, but it kind of smells like someone shitin a pine tree.
A man and a woman are on an elevator at the top of theworld’s tallest building, when all of a sudden, the cablesnaps and the elevator starts plummeting to the ground. The emergency brakes don’t work, the emergency phonedoesn’t work, and they both begin to panic. The woman screams We’re going to die!, rips of all herclothes, throws herself on the floor and says to the manmake me feel like a woman again! So, he pulls off his jacket, throws it on the floor, andsays pick that up, bitch.
A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered theelevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying, T-G-I-F (letters only).He smiled at her and replied, S-H-I-T (letters only). She looked at him, puzzled, and said, T-G-I-F again.He acknowledged her remark again by answering, S-H-I-T. The blond was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly T-G-I-F another time.The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a quizzical expression, S-H-I-T. The blond finally decided to explain things, and this time she said, T-G-I-F,Thank Goodness It’s Friday, get it? The man answered, Sorry, Honey, It’s Thursday.
1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, ‘Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!’
2. Whistle the first seven notes of ‘It’s a Small World’ incessantly.
3. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
4. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
6. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: ‘Got enough air in there?’
7. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
8. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
9. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
10. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
11. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go ‘plink’ at the bottom.
12. Do Tai Chi exercises.
13. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: ‘I’ve got new socks on!’
14. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back, ‘Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!’
15. Meow occasionally.
18. Frown and mutter ‘gotta go, gotta go’ then sigh and say ‘oops!’
19. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
20. Sing ‘Mary had a little lamb’ while continually pushing buttons.
21. Holler ‘Chutes away!’ whenever the elevator descends.
22. Leave a box between the doors.
23. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
24. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers ‘through’ it.
25. Start a sing-along.
26. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask ‘is that your beeper?’
27. Play the harmonica.
28. Say ‘Ding!’ at each floor.
29. Lean against the button panel.
30. Say ‘I wonder what all these do’ and push the red buttons.
31. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
32. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your ‘personal space.’
33. Bring a chair along.
34. Blow spit bubbles.
35. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
36. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
37. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
38. Wear ‘X-Ray Specs’ and leer suggestively at other passengers.
39. Stare at your thumb and say ‘I think it’s getting larger.’
40. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler ‘Bad touch!’
41. Turn towards the back of the elevator and facing everyone. If they face forward, yell “ASS TO ASS!!”
Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to other passengers.
Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering:”Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!”
Whistle the first seven notes of It’s a Small World incessantly.
Sell Girl Scout cookies.
On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying, T-G-I-F (letters only).
He smiled at her and replied, S-H-I-T (letters only).
She looked at him, puzzled, and said, T-G-I-F again.
He acknowledged her remark again by answering, S-H-I-T.
The blond was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly T-G-I-F another time.
The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a quizzical expression, S-H-I-T.
The blond finally decided to explain things, and this time she said, T-G-I-F, Thank Goodness It’s Friday, get it?
The man answered, Sorry, Honey, It’s Thursday.