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Only the creator can tell the end of time because he’s the one that created us. I don’t care what a scientist says hes only human, God is everything that man can’t predict or see in the present or future.

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If it turns out that the Mayans are right and the world is going to end, you know what this means? Lindsay Lohan is a genius. She’s been partying her brains out. She owes taxes. She’s crashing cars. She’s a genius!

Today Wal-Mart announced that on apocalypse day they will open at midnight. I think the Mayan calendar is becoming too commercialized, don’t you?

The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn’t end on December 21, you can bet the next day the malls will be overrun with Mayans trying to buy last-minute gifts.

A close friend of mine said his doctor gave him less than two weeks to live. But it turns out his doctor’s a Mayan. He says that to everybody.