The Mayan calendar says that on the 21st, we’re done. We’ve only got about a week left, and I haven’t even started packing. On the bright side, the end of the world kind of takes the edge off the fiscal cliff, doesn’t it? … The Mayans predicted that last joke wouldn’t work.
The preacher who predicted the apocalypse last weekend now predicts that the world will end in October. It’s the first time that someone’s end-of-the-world prediction was followed by ‘Have a great summer.’
The pastor who incorrectly predicted the Rapture said it was a very tough weekend. To make it worse, his friends keep calling him saying, Hey, it’s not the end of the world!
The good news is, the apocalypse did not happen. The bad news is, we thought it would so we don’t have much of a plan for the show.
The world was supposed to end last Saturday but at the last minute, it was picked up for another season.
Some people sold all they’re possessions to prepare for Judgment Day. They’re idiots. If the world does end, what are you going to do with your money? Walmart is closed.
Harold Camping has shifted his prediction of the apocalypse from May 21 to October 21, which is great because now I don’t have to buy a Halloween costume.
Apparently the Rapture is being produced by the same people that produced ‘Spider-Man the Musical.’
The world is ending on Saturday. It would really, really suck if we only get to live three weeks longer than bin laden.
The world is ending on Saturday. We will be judged by Randy and J-Lo, and then I guess we go to Hell. It would really, really suck if we only got to live 3 weeks longer than bin Laden. And speaking of the end of the world, there are only 4 Oprah shows left.
Like any responsible journalist I was waiting to make sure the end of the world did not arrive so I could report on it. Now that the end of the world has been rescheduled by an 89-year-old senile pastor until 21 October 2011 all news personnel are free to make mock – at least until the next end date shows its ugly face.
Meanwhile, said pastor is frantically busy dialing for dollars to increase his retirement fund to gorgeous proportions. He already collected $70 million. I am definitely in the wrong racket… 🙂
Enjoy the comedy banter. After all, if we are all scheduled to disappear into the abyss we might as well go laughing! I lean toward the Happy Fatalist Philosophy in a 2012 election year.
USA Today: We’re dead
The Wall Street Journal: Dow Jones plummets as world ends
National Enquirer: O.J. and Nicole, together again
Playboy: Girls of the apocalypse
Microsoft Systems Journal: Apple loses market share
Victoria’s Secret Catalog: Our final sale
Sports Illustrated: Game over!
Wired: The last new thing!
Rolling Stone: The Grateful Dead reunion tour
Readers Digest: ‘Bye!
Discover Magazine: How will the extinction of all life as we know it affect the way we view the cosmos?
TV Guide: Death and damnation: Nielson Ratings soar!
Lady’s Home Journal: Lose 10 lbs by judgement day with our new Armageddon Diet!
America Online: System temporarily down. Try calling back in 15 minutes.
Inc. Magazine: Ten ways you can profit from the apocalypse!