Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter,
Q: What’s red and has seven dents in it?
A: Snow White’s cherry.
Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the princesses lap and said: “Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am, and then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.”
That night, the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sautéed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and shallot cream sauce.
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl “Will you marry me?”
The girl said “No.”
And the guy lived happily ever after and went golfing and fishing and to the footy a lot.
A man takes the day off work and decides to go out
golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices
a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks
nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears,
Ribbit. 9 Iron. The man looks around and
doesn’t see anyone. Ribbit. 9 Iron.
He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog
wrong, puts his other club away, and grabs a 9
iron. Boom! he hits it 10 inches from the cup.
He is shocked. He says to the frog, Wow, that’s
amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh? The frog
replies, Ribbit. Lucky frog.
The man decides to take the frog with him to the
next hole. What do you think, frog? the man
asks. Ribbit. 3 Wood. The guy takes out a 3
wood and, BOOM! Hole-in-one. The man is befuddled
and doesn’t know what to say.
By the end of the day, the man golfed the best
game of golf in his life and asks the frog, OK,
where to next? The frog replies, Ribbit. Las
Vegas. They go to Las Vegas and the guy says,
OK, frog, now what?
The frog says, Ribbit. Roulette. Upon
approaching the roulette table, the man asks,
What do you think I should bet? The frog
replies, Ribbit. $3000, black 6. Now this is a
million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf
game, the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons
of cash comes sliding back across the table. The
man takes his winnings and buys the best room in
He sits the frog down and says, Frog, I don’t
know how to repay you. You’ve won me all this
money and I am forever grateful.
The frog replies, Ribbit. Kiss me. He figures
why not, since after all the frog did for him he
deserves it. With a kiss the frog turns into a
gorgeous 15-year-old girl.
And that, you honor, is how the girl ended up in
What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins Once upon a time… A southern fairytale begins Y’all ain’t gonna believe this shit…
Once upon a time,
in a land far away,
A beautiful, independent,
self assured princess,
happened upon a frog as she sat
contemplating ecological issues
on the shores of an unpolluted pond
in a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the Princess’ lap
I was once a handsome Prince,
until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
One kiss from you, however,
and I will turn back
into the dapper, young Prince that I am
and then, my sweet, we can marry
and setup housekeeping in yon castle with my Mother,
where you can prepare my meals,
clean my clothes, bear my children,
and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.
on a repast of lightly sauteed frogs legs
seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce,
she chuckled to herself and thought:
I don’t think so!
Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a machete to her throat, said, Red, I’m going to screw your brains out!
To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out a .44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, No you’re not! You’re going to eat me, just like it says in the book!
Once upon a time there was a Prince who, through no fault of his own was cast under a spell by an evil witch. The curse was that the Prince could speak only one word each year. However, he could save up the words so that if he did not speak for a whole year, then the following year he was allowed to speak two words. (This was before the time of letter writing or sign language.)
One day he met a beautiful princess (ruby lips, golden hair, sapphire eyes,) and fell madly in love. With the greatest difficulty he decided to refrain from speaking for two whole years so that he could look at her and say my darling. But at the end of the two years he wished to tell her that he loved her. Because of this he waited three more years without speaking (bringing the total number of silent years to 5).
But at the end of these five years he realized that he had to ask her to marry him. So he waited ANOTHER four years without speaking.
Finally as the ninth year of silence ended, his joy knew no bounds. Leading the lovely princess to the most secluded and romantic place in that beautiful royal garden the prince heaped a hundred red roses on her lap, knelt before her, and taking her hand in his, said huskily, My darling, I love you! Will you marry me?
And the princess tucked a strand of golden hair behind a dainty ear, opened her sapphire eyes in wonder, and parting her ruby lips, said: Pardon?
Daddy, a little girl asked her father, do all fairy tales begin with ‘Once upon a time’?
No, sweetheart, he answered. Some begin with ‘If I am elected.’