Category Archives: Farmer Jokes

This farmer has 500 hens…

This farmer has 500 hens but no rooster so he goes to his neighbor and asks him if he could buy a rooster for $100. The neighbor says, You can have this rooster. His names Roy. Hell get all your hens pregnant. Hes a real stud. So the farmer takes him home and says, Its your first day so take it slow, okay? The farmer puts Roy in the hen house and then hears all the hens crying and yelling. Roy nailed every one of those hens and then nailed a duck and a goose at a pond. The next morning the farmer finds Roy lying dead with his legs sticking in the air and buzzards circling overhead. The farmer says, Roy, did you have to die? Roy says, Quiet! Theyre about to land!

There was a farmer who raised watermelons…

There was a farmer who raised watermelons. He was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat watermelons. After some careful thought he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. So he made up the sign and posted it in the field. The next day the kids show up and they see this sign, it says Warning!! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide.So the kids run off, make up their own sign and post it next to the sign that the farmer made. The farmer shows up the next week and when he looks over the field he notices that no watermelons are missing but he notices a new sign next to his. He drives up to the sign which read: Now there are two.

There was a farmer who had a lot of live stock…

There was a farmer who had a lot of live stock. He had cows, horses, chickens, pigs, and bulls. One day a terrible twister came and the man and his family were only saved by throwing themselves in the nearest ditch. After it was all over, he looked up to see that the house was gone. Saddened by the loss, he went out to see if any of the animals had survived. The horses, chickens, pigs, and cows were laid out flat but the bulls were standing! The farmer was amazed and asked them, How is it that all the other animals are down and you are still standing? The bulls replied, We bulls wobble but we dont fall down!

There was a farmer who had a herd of pigs…

There was a farmer who had a herd of pigs. One day someone went to the farm and asked the farmer: What do you use to feed your pigs?Well, I give them acorn, corn, and things like that. Why?Because I am from the Animals Protection Association and I think you dont feed them like you should, they shouldnt eat wastes.Then he fined the farmer.Some days later, another person arrived and asked the same question. The farmer answered: Well, I feed them very well. I give them salmon, caviar, shrimp, steak…why?Because I am from the United Nations Organization and I think its unfair that you feed your pigs like that when there are people dying with nothing to eat.And he fined the farmer.Finally, another man came in and asked just the same question. The hesitant farmer answered after a few minutes: Well, I give five dollars to each pig so they can buy whatever they want.

The farmers son…

The farmers son was returning from the market with the crate of chickens his father had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the box fell and broke open. Chickens scurried off in different directions, but the determined boy walked all over the neighborhood scooping up the wayward birds and returning them to the repaired crate. Hoping he had found them all, the boy reluctantly returned home, expecting the worst.Pa, the chickens got loose, the boy confessed sadly, but I managed to find all twelve of them.Well, you did real good, son, the farmer beamed. You left with seven.

Seems a guy was driving for hours…

Seems a guy was driving for hours thu desolate country when he passed a farmhouse, and before he could react, a cat ran out in front of him and *splat*… he flattened the cat. Out of kindness and consideration, he stopped, turned around and drove back to the farmhouse to notify the occupants. When the housewife came to the door, said he, Pardon memadame, but I just ran over a cat in front of your house, and assumed that it must belong to you. I know this might be hard to hear, but Iwanted to let you know instead of just driving off…. Not so fast, says she. How do you know it was our cat? Could youdescribe him? What does he look like? The man promptly flopped down on the ground, and said He looks like thts as he gave his best shot at a dead cat impression. Oh no, you *horrible* man, she replied. I meant, what did he look like *before* you hit him? At that, the man got up , covered his eyes with both hands and screamed Agggghhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!

Rush Limbaugh and his chauffeur…

Rush Limbaugh and his chauffeur were out driving in the country and accidentally hit and killed a pig that had wandered out on a country road. Limbaugh told the chauffeur to drive up to the farm and apologize to the farmer. They drove up to the farm, the chauffeur got out and knocked on the front door and was let in. He was in there for what seemed like hours. When the chauffeur came out, Limbaugh was confused about why his driver had been in there so long. Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he offered me a beer, then his wife brought me some cookies, and his daughter showered me with kisses. explained the driver. What did you tell the farmer? Limbaugh asked. The chauffeur replied, I told him I was Rush Limbaughs driver and Id just killed the pig.