Category Archives: Funny News

Pimp sues Nike for not warning shoes could be dangerous if used to beat people…

A Portland pimp is suing Nike for not placing a warning label in their shoes specifying that they could be used as a dangerous weapon — after he was sentenced to 100 years in prison for brutally beating a john with his sneaker. 

 

Sirgiorgio Clardy, 26, claims Nike should have placed a warning in the shoes warning consumers that the kicks have the potential to be used as a dangerous weapon, according to The Oregonian newspaper. Clardy is seeking $100 million for what he believes was the shoe manufacturer’s oversight. 

In June, Clardy repeatedly stomped on the face of a client with his Jordan Nike shoes when the man refused to pay Clardy’s prostitute. The man required stitches and plastic surgery after the beating. 

Clardy was sentenced to 100 years in prison for beating the man as well as attacking an 18-year-old prostitute so violently that she bled from her ears. 

Clardy has been charged with numerous felonies and misdemeanors, according to the Multnomah County Sheriff’s Office.

The jury in Clardy’s most recent case called him a “dangerous offender” and classified his shoes as “a dangerous weapon” in order to assure he received the longest prison sentence possible, according to The Oregonian.

Clardy wrote a three-page complaint against Nike from the Eastern Oregon Correctional Institution where he is incarcerated, reported The Oregonian. In the claim he said Nike “failed to warn of risk or to provide an adequate warning or instruction,” by not cautioning that their shoes are “potentially dangerous.” 

The suit has not yet been served to Nike, The Oregonian said. 

Nike spokeswoman Mary Remuzzi said the company had no comment regarding the lawsuit.

Florida Man Steals Massage Oil, Condoms, Energy Drinks From Walgreens…

A Florida man was arrested after he stole more than $90 worth of items from a Walgreens including warming massage oil, energy drinks and condoms, Gainesville police said.

Joel Luis Valles, 28, faces charges of petit theft, possession of a controlled substance and introduction of contraband into county detention facility, the police arrest report said.

He was arrested Thursday after witnesses saw him taking the items —  which also included a flashlight, headphones and a microphone — in his pockets, police said. The items were taken out of their packaging, and he didn’t take them out of his pockets when he paid for a can of soda and cigarettes, the arrest report said.

Meanwhile, police found a drunk, passed out woman in the passenger seat of his car parked outside, they said. She was an aquaintence of his but had no idea what was going on, according to the report. Valles allegedly told authorities that he was supposed to meet another girl later on.

Before Valles was booked into jail, he was asked if he had any illegal items on himself, and he answered that he didn’t, but officials found a bag with cocaine inside his wallet, the report said. Police said Valles also initially lied about stealing the items but then admitted that he had done it. It wasn’t immediately known if he had an attorney. He was being held on $10,000 bond.

Pregnant Woman Blames Hormones for Roommate Attack…

A pregnant Florida woman blamed her rage on hormones after she attacked her roommate during a fight over butter, the Volusia County Sheriff’s Office said.

Jennifer Feagley, 24, of Deland, remained in jail on Friday on $5,000 bond after her Tuesday arrest. She faces a felony battery charge after a fight with her roommate Patricia Marson, the sheriff’s office report said.

Feagley, who is six months pregnant, got very upset and hit Marson in the head after the roommate asked her why she left the butter on the stove.

She then mounted Marson, who had fallen down, and punched her in the chest several times. She also put her hands around Marson’s neck and hit her with her own cane five times, authorities said.

“Feagley stated her rage is due to hormones from her pregnancy, ” the report said.

She added that she was diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder and hasn’t been taking her medication because of her pregnancy.

There were no visible injuries, and Marson said she didn’t need medical attention.

But she did say she wanted to press charges against Feagley.

It wasn’t immediately known if Feagley had an attorney.

Burglar Falls Asleep During Attempted Escape…

A burglar napping on the job got himself caught when he fell asleep inside the Southern California home he was trying to steal from, police said.

A man was sleeping in bed with his wife when he felt something touch his leg, according to a release by the Santa Ana Police Department. When he looked to see what it was, he realized it was a man he knew from his neighborhood sleeping at the foot of his bed.

The resident chased the man away, but later realized items from his home were missing.

The alleged burglar, Ruben Diego Ortega, 20, admitted to seeing the home’s open window and going inside to “see what he could steal,” police said.

Ortega told police he was crawling out of the house with the loot and “must have fallen asleep.”

Since the victim knew Ortega, he went to Ortega’s home in the 1200 block of West Highland Street and got his cell phones and Sony PlayStation back.

Ortega was arrested in connection with the burglary and is being held in lieu of $50,000 bail.

Man Arrested for DUI in Jail Parking Lot…

A Florida man who was arrested on a DUI charge made it easy for deputies after he was found passed out behind the wheel of a car at a jail parking lot, authorities said.

Christopher Lindsey Smith, 29, was arrested at the Pasco County Jail in Land O’ Lakes Sunday night. He was released on bond Monday morning and it was unknown whether he has an attorney.

Staff at the jail had gone to check on an unresponsive driver in a gold 2004 Chevy Impala when they found Smith inside with the keys in the ignition and the radio blaring, according to an arrest report obtained by WFLA.

After several minutes of banging on the windows of the car, Smith woke up. Deputies could smell a strong odor of alcohol coming from the car and found an open container of beer in the cupholder, the report said.

Smith admitted to having a “couple of beers” and said he was dropping a friend off at the jail, the report said.

He refused a breath test but was arrested and booked into jail just a few feet away, deputies said.

Cat Used As Drug Mule

A crafty cat has been caught smuggling cannabis into a Moldovan prison – via bags tied to his collar.

The grey and white feline aroused suspicion after it was spotted regularly nipping through a hole in the jail fence, the BBC reported.

According to The Associated Press, the Department of Penitentiary Institutions said on Friday that “someone in the village of Pruncul was using the cat as a courier to supply inmates with dope at the local prison.”

It’s not the first time a cat has been caught out smuggling contraband into a prison.

In January one enterprising feline was spotted attempting to smuggle a mobile phone, selection of saw and drill bits into a Brazilian prison.

And in March, another four-legged-fiend was intercepted as it sneaked mobile phones and chargers into a Russian jail.

Great White Shark That Couldn’t ‘Seal’ The Deal

For a heart-stopping moment a seal was inches from being crushed in the jaws of a great white shark off the South African coast.

Great White Shark Seal Sequence

But the plucky creature evaded a gory death after balancing on the shark’s snout and slipping back into the sea.

The death-defying moment was captured by wildlife photographer David Baz Jenkins.

Jenkins, 41, from Dublin, said a colony of seals were making their way back to Seal Island after feeding out at sea when the shark moved in.

Great White Shark Seal SequenceThe seal makes his great escape. Pic: David Baz Jenkins/Caters

Seal Island, in False Bay, is home to a huge number of cape fur seals whose main predator is the great white.

This seal may have been lucky but hundreds of pups fall prey to shark attacks every year.

Great whites can be up to 20ft (6m) long and weigh up to 5,000lbs (2,268kg).

Chinese Tourists Given Tips On How To Behave

Authorities give advice to travellers such as do not to pick your nose, steal plane life jackets or leave footprints on toilets.

Chinese authorities have issued tourists with a handbook telling them how to behave when going abroad, including not to pee in pools.

As tourists from China increasingly travel abroad, they have developed a stereotype of “uncivilised behaviour”, which Vice Premier Wang Yang said in May “damaged the image of the Chinese people”.

The image-conscious National Tourism Administration has now published the 64-page Guidebook for Civilised Tourism, including illustrations, aimed at reining in unruly behaviour.

Instructions include do not pick your nose in public, leave footprints on public toilet seats or steal life jackets.

Continue reading Chinese Tourists Given Tips On How To Behave

Nathan Verhelst Chooses Euthanasia After Failed Gender Reassignment Surgeries

A 44-year-old man in Belgium chose to end his life via euthanasia on Monday after a series of failed gender reassignment surgeries. “I was the girl no one wanted,” Nathan Verhelst told the Flemish newspaper Het Laatste Nieuws, mere hours before his death.

 

Verhelst, who was born female, told the paper’s reporters he grew up in an unloving family, feeling like a boy trapped in a girl’s body. He finally started hormone therapy in 2009 and underwent several reassignment surgeries in 2012. While doctors did not publicly share the specifics of the surgeries, Verhelst told Het Laatste Nieuws that after the procedures, he felt like a monster. “I was ready to celebrate my new birth. But when I looked in the mirror, I was disgusted with myself,” he told the newspaper. “My new breasts did not match my expectations and my penis had symptoms of rejection.”

 

Verhelst applied for euthanasia several months ago and finally died on Monday in a Brussels hospital. His request was approved based on a 2002 law that makes Belgium one of only three countries in the world that have legalized euthanasia, along with Luxembourg and the Netherlands.

 

According to the latest report by the Belgian Evaluation Commission for Euthanasia, released in May 2012, more than 2,000 of the country’s citizens opted for euthanasia in 2010 and 2011, accounting for 1 percent of deaths in the country.

 

Evelien Delbeke, a visiting professor at the University of Antwerp, told The Huffington Post that individuals approved for the procedure must meet strict criteria. “It’s not like people in Belgium can just be killed without protection. Our legislation is pretty strict,” she said in Dutch. “A strict set of conditions needs to be met and several doctors are involved in each case.”

 

Delbeke explained that in order to file a request, applicants need to be of age, mentally competent and suffering from an incurable condition that causes continuous and unbearable suffering. The disease can be physical as well as psychological.

 

Applicants must go through several consultations with their doctor to ensure that the request is not an impulsive decision, and at least a month must pass between the application and the procedure. The doctor needs to consult with a second independent physician. In cases without a physical disease, a third doctor has to be consulted as well.

 

Usually, doctors inject patients with a lethal dose through an IV. They lose consciousness within a couple of seconds, then become comatose and die quietly within five minutes.

 

Separately, Belgians can also sign an advance directive that allows a doctor to administer euthanasia in case they end up in an irreversible coma. Not all Belgian hospitals agree to euthanasia requests, and doctors are not legally required to administer applications.

 

“The law is about giving people the final choice in how they envision a dignified end of life,” said Hannie Van den Bilcke, a consultant at Huis Van De Mens, a humanist organization.

 

“I want to emphasize ‘dignified,’” she added. “Any person can make the decision to end his or her life, but this law guarantees that it can happen in a dignified way, if you want to.”

 

The majority of applicants in 2010 and 2011 were between 60 and 79 years old, and more than 75 percent suffered from a severe form of cancer, according to the Belgian Evaluation Commission for Euthanasia.

 

The commission’s 2012 report shows that non-terminally ill patients, like Verhelst, account for less than 10 percent of cases.

 

While extremely rare, Delbeke does welcome the option for these cases. “Psychological suffering is often underestimated,” she said. “People often consider the cases of terminally ill patients or patients who are suffering physically ‘worse’ than those of psychiatric patients whose suffering may continue for years. But does that mean that patients who don’t have a physical condition or patients with a very serious physical condition but who aren’t terminally ill have to go through an entire disease process and see themselves regress?”

 

Eddy and Marc Verbessem, Belgian twins who had been born deaf and had spent most of their lives together, relied on that aspect of the Belgian law when they chose to die through euthanasia in January 2013. The 45-year-old brothers suffered from an incurable disease and were slowly losing their sight in addition to their hearing.

 

“Many will wonder why my brothers have opted for euthanasia because there are plenty of deaf and blind that have a ‘normal’ life,” Dirk Verbessem, their older sibling, told The Telegraph at the time. “But my brothers trudged from one disease to another. They were really worn out.”

 

Euthanasia is illegal in the U.S. Some states, such as Washington, Oregon, Montana and Vermont, do allow for physician assisted suicide, in which doctors provide terminally ill patients with the means to end their own life but do not administer the lethal dose. Physician assisted suicide is not available for non-terminally ill patients.

 

Since Belgium adopted the law in 2002, reports indicate that the number of requests has risen each year. One of the country’s most famous authors, Hugo Claus, who suffered from Alzheimer’s disease, died by euthanasia in 2008.

 

Lawmakers in the country are currently looking into expanding the legislation to include minors, with written approval of their parents or legal guardian. The proposal is controversial, with opponents questioning children’s ability to make such a hefty decision.

 

Van den Bilcke notes that the number of children that would qualify for euthanasia would be extremely low, given that they would have to have a terminal condition that causes them unbearable physical or psychological suffering. She wonders, then, why terminally-ill children who sometimes have been fighting for years should be forced to continue a futile battle.

 

“Not a single parent will consent to euthanasia without the feeling that this is the final step,” she said. “What parent gives up on his child?”

Japanese Chef Cooks and Serves His Own Genitals

This story is not for the faint of heart. News video below.

 

Mao Sugiyama, a self-described “asexual” from Tokyo, cooked up, seasoned and served his own genitalia to five diners at a swanky banquet in Japan last month, Calorie Lab reported.

 

In most cases, “asexual” is a word used to describe a person who is non-sexual. Sugiyama, however, embraces it as a way to show that he does not affiliate with either gender.

 

Sugiyama sparked a firestorm of interest on April 8 with one tweet: “[Please retweet] I am offering my male genitals (full penis, testes, scrotum) as a meal for 100,000 yen …Will prepare and cook as the buyer requests, at his chosen location.”

 

That tweet generated so much buzz that Sugiyama decided to host a public tasting, which he called ‘Ham Cybele- Century Banquet,’ at Tokyo’s Asagaya Loft event space. Six people signed up for the $250/plate experience; five of them showed up for the big date. Sugiyama, dressed in chef’s attire, seasoned and braised his own genitals on a portable gas burner and served them up in various creative dishes.

 

Shigenobu Matsuzawa, a 29-year-old event planner, was one of the “lucky” diners. “It’s a once-in-a-lifetime chance, so I decided on the spur of the moment to do it,” he tweeted.

 

Diners had to sign waivers releasing Sugiyama from anything that might have gone wrong from eating human genitals. A local police spokesman told CalorieLab that despite many citizen complaints, there was nothing they could do, since cannibalism isn’t illegal in Japan.

 

Just days after Sugiyama’s 22nd birthday, the artist underwent elective genital-removal surgery, divvied up the severed penis shaft, testicles, and scrotal skin between five people, and garnished it with button mushrooms and Italian parsley.

 

On April 13, five of six diners who signed up for the $250-a-plate feast, sat down to dinner. The sixth person was a no-show.

 

The next day, an organizer posted a blog — subsequently deleted — containing pictures of the event. Images showed dozens of people who attended the event just to catch a glimpse of the rare treat.

 

The extra diners were served crocodile-based dishes while Sugiyama cooked up the exclusive meal.

 

The story went viral in Japan. Some showed even more interest, while others complained. But Calorie Lab called Japanese authorities, who deemed the banquet legal because there is no law against cannibalism in the country.