A punk walked into a barbers shop and sat in an empty chair. Haircut, sir? asked the barber. No, just change the oil, please!
A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, Rome? Why would anyone want to go there?Its crowded & dirty and full of Italians. You’re crazy to go to Rome.So, how are you getting there?Were taking TWA, was the reply. We got a great rate!TWA? exclaimed the barber. Thats a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they’re always late.So, where are you staying in Rome?Well be at the downtown International Marriott.That dump! Thats the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is surly and they’re overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?Were going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope.Thats rich, laughed the barber. You and a million other people trying to see him. Hell look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You’re going to need it.A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber asked him about his trip to Rome.It was wonderful, explained the man, not only were we on time in one of TWA’s brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old stewardess who waited on me hand and foot.And the hotel-it was great! They’d just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now its the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!Well, muttered the barber, I know you didnt get to see the pope.Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the pope likes to personally me et some of the visitors, and if Id be so kind as to step into his private room and wait the pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later the pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me.Really? asked the Barber. What’d he say?He said, Where’d you get the lousy haircut?
A man sitting in a barbers chair noticed that the barbers hands were very dirty. When he commented on this, the barber explained, Yes, sir, no ones been in for a shampoo yet.
A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. I have just the thing, says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. Just place this between your cheek and gum. The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech. And what if I swallow it? No problem, says the barber. Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does.
A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment – shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. – he placed the boy in the chair.I’m going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade, he said. Ill be back in a few minutes.When the boys haircut was completed and the man still hadn’t returned, the barber said, Looks like your daddy’s forgotten all about you. That wasn’t my daddy, said the boy. He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, Come on, son, were gonna get a free haircut!
A little girl climbed into her grandfathers lap and studied his white, balding head. She ran her fingers along the deep wrinkles and road mapped his face and neck. Did god make you?, she asked. yes he answered. did god make me, to? she wondered. yes, he replied. well, she shrugged, don’t you think hes doing a better job now than he used to?
A guy was teased everywhere of his totally noticeably bald head! After going thru years of this, he decided that he should say something about it! So he stood up onto the tallest statue and shouted for everyone to hear: I AM NOT BALD, ITS JUST THAT I’M TALLER THAN MY HAIR!
A guy walks in to the Barbershop. Barber says, What will it be today? Guy says, well I want it going with my waves on top, faded on one side, plug the other, and just make it all out of shape and messed up. Barber says, Now why in the world do you want your hair cut like that.Guy says, Thats how you cut it last time
A guy admired the hair of three girls. He walked by one and asked, Howd you get such lovely blonde hair Taking her hand and gently running it through her hair, the girl answered, Its natural. The guy walked by the second girl and asked, Howd you get such pretty brown hair? Fluffing her hair, the second girl said, Its natural. Finally the guy approached the third girl and asked, Howd you get such cool green hair? Taking her hand and rubbing it up past her nose, then skimming it through the hair, she said, Its natural.
A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barbers chair and said, I’ll have a shave and a shoe shine. The barber began to lather his face while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes.The cowboy said, Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room. She replied, I’m married and my husband wouldn’t like that. The cowboy said, Tell him your working overtime and Ill pay you the difference. She said, You tell him. He is the one shaving you.