Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving? They couldnt get the moose in the oven!
Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones. Holy cow, Mister, one of them said after catching his breath, You scared us half to death — we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night? Those fools! the old man grumbled. They misspelled my name!
Easter is approaching. Father O’Maley checks estimates for the flower decoration of the altar.The catholic florist – $ 300. Too expensive moans the priest.The protestant florist – $ 250, No, it would not be right to buy at another Christian believer, especially as the price difference is rather small. But lo! Solly Goldberg – $ 75!!!Religion or economics? After much consideration, Solly obtains the contract.On Easter Sunday morning, Gold bergs men deliver the flowers: wonderful roses, azaleas, camellias, tulips and carnations. O’Maleys last reservations are discarded.When the parishioners arrive in the church, they see the magnificent flower arrangement and a ribbon with the inscription:Jesus has risen! But the prices of Goldberg always stay the same.
When toasting the holidays, Republicans ask for eggnog or mulled wine. Democrats ask for a Bud.
Republicans spends hundreds of dollars and hours of work decorating the yard with outdoor lights and Christmas displays. Democrats save their time and money, and drive around at night to look at *other* peoples lights.
Republicans first began thinking like Republicans when they stopped believing in Santa Claus. Democrats became Democrats because they never stopped believing in Santa Claus.
Democrats let their kids open all the gifts on Christmas Eve. Republicans make their kids wait until Christmas morning.
Democrats get back at the Republicans on their Christmas list by giving them fruitcakes. Republicans re-wrap them and send them to in-laws.
Democrats favorite Christmas movie is Miracle on 34th Street. Republicans favorite Christmas movie is Its a Wonderful Life. Right-Wing Republicans favorite Christmas movie is Die Hard.