Three guys stranded on a desert island find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says: ‘I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here.

Zack and Tybe, two Alabama farm boys, bought themselves a truckload of watermelons for a buck apiece. They sold each one for a dollar. After counting up their cash, they realized theyd wound up with the same amount of money theyd started out with. See! said Tybe. Ah told yew we shoulda got a bigger truck!

Young Bradley arrived at his dates house wearing a shirt that had water dripping from it. Whatre you doin? asked his girlfriend. How come your shirt is soakin wet? Well, said Bradley, it said on the label: WASH AND WEAR.

Wyatt, Milford and Calhoun were standing one on top of the other trying to measure a flag pole. A man passing by yelled up to them, Why dont you guys just take down the pole, lay it down on the ground and measure it? We dont wanna measure the length, mister! Wyatt sneered. We wanna measure the height!

Why does the Philippines ban rectal thermometers? They cause too much brain damage.

Why did the stupid boy wear a turtle neck sweater?To hide his flea collar.

Why did the idiot plant nickels in his garden? He wanted to raise some hard cash.

Why did the idiot have his sundial floodlit? So he could tell the time at night!

Why did the idiot drive his pickup truck over the side of the cliff? He wanted to try out his new air brakes.

Why did the Aggie call 911 in the car wash? – He thought he saw the rotating car washer as a tornado.