A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer. ‘This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it you.’ The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, ‘Which do you want, son?’ The boy takes the quarters and leaves. ‘What did I tell you?’ said the barber. ‘That kid never learns!’ Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. ‘Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?’ The boy licked his cone and replied, ‘Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!
Q: What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?
A: A tuba toothpaste.
Q: Why was 6 afraid of 7?
A: Because 7, 8, 9.
Jack comes home from school with a great big smile on his face.
His mom asks him, “Why was he so happy?”
Jack replies, “I just had sex today!”
Well this does not sit well with mom, she immediately begins shouting at Jack, telling him at 14 he has no business having sex! She tells him to go to his room and to wait for his dad to come home. When dad finally arrives, mom fills him in. She asks him to go upstairs and to have a chat with Jack.
He knocks on the door and proceeds to go in.
“Hey Jack, your mom tells me you had sex today?”
“Yes,” replies Jack sadly.
Dad looks around the room and whispers to him, “Hey, way to go, son! Your Dad is very, very proud. But if your mom asks what we talked about just tell her it was guy stuff.”
The next day, dad shares the news with all his coworkers, bragging that at the age of 14 his son is a man!
When dad goes home that night, he kisses his wife and runs straight upstairs to see Jack. “Hey Jack! Did you have sex today again, son?”
Jack replies “No dad…my ass still hurts from yesterday.”
“If you want to last with your man, you should wear a lot of sexy clothes, especially underwear that is red and maybe has a few diamonds on it.” Lori, age 8
“Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.” Ricky, age 10
“There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?” Kelvin, age 8
“You can be sure of one thing – the boys would come chasing after us just the same as they do now.” Roberta, age 7
“I don’t know which is better, but I’ll tell you one thing. I’m never going to have sex with my wife. I don’t want to be all grossed out.” Theodore, age 8
“It’s better for girls to be single, but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.” Anita, age 9
“Single is better, for the simple reason that I wouldn’t want to change no diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I’d just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing.” Kirsten, age 10
“When they’re rich.” Pam, age 7
“The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.” Curt, age 7
“The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.” Howard, age 8
“I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.” Craig, age 9
“Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.” Lynnette, age 8
“On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.” Martin, age 10