Category Archives: Library Jokes

EVERY NATION HAS TO WRITE A BOOK ABOUT THE ELEPHANT…

The French book – The Sex Life of the Elephant or: 1000 ways to cook Elephant 

The English book – Elephants I have shot on Safari 

The Welsh book – The Elephant and its influence on Welsh language and culture 

The American book – How to Make Bigger And Better Elephants

The Japanese book – How to Make Smaller And Cheaper Elephants 

The Greek book – How to Sell Elephants for a Lot of Money 

The Finnish book – What Do Elephants Think about Finnish People 

The German book – A Short Introduction to Elephants, Vol 1-6. 

The Icelandic book – Defrosting an Elephant 

Switzerland: The Country Through Which Hannibal Went With His Elephants 

The Canadian book – Elephants: A Federal or State Issue? 

The Swedish book – How to reduce your taxes with an elephant.

NEVER JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS AUTHOR

Is O. J. Guilty?…………..Howard I. Know 

Animal Illnesses…………. Ann Thrax 

French Overpopulation………Francis Crowded 

Fallen Underwear ………….Lucy Lastic 

Downpour! ………………..Wayne Dwops 

Cloning ………………….Ima Dubble 

Irish Flooring ……………Lynn O’Leum 

I Lived in Detroit ………..Helen Earth 

Inflammation, Please ………Arthur Itis 

Handel’s Messiah ………….Ollie Luyah 

House Construction ………..Bill Jerome Home 

Unemployed ……………….Anita Job 

Off to Market …………….Tobias A. Pigg 

Holmes Does it Again ………Scott Linyard 

Home Alone IV …………….Eddie Buddyhome 

Lewis Carroll …………….Alison Wonderland 

Leo Tolstoy ………………Warren Peace 

The L. A. Lakers Breakfast …Kareem O’ Wheat 

Neither a Borrower ………..Nora Lender Bee 

The French Chef …………..Sue Flay 

Tight Situation …………..Leah Tard 

The Scent of a Man ………..Jim Nasium 

Why Cars Stop …………….M. T. Tank 

Wind in the Willows ……….Russell Ingleaves 

Look Younger ……………..Fay Slift 

Mountain Climbing …………Andover Hand 

It’s Springtime! ………….Theresa Green 

No! ……………………..Kurt Reply 

And Shut Up! ……………..Sid Downe

The Shortest Books Ever Written

1000 Years of German Humor

The Code of Ethics for Lawyers

Italian War Heroes

Who’s who in Puerto Rico

Egyptian Battle Tactics

The Jewish Book of Business Ethics

The Australian Book of Foreplay

The Book of Motivated Postal Workers (Canadian edition) (U.S.edition)

The Vatican List of Celibate Priests

Americans’ Guide to Etiquette

The World Guide to Good American Beer

Wars Won by America this Century

Royal Family’s Guide to Good Marriages

Safe Places to Travel in the USA

Bill Clinton: A Portrait of Integrity

Jerry Garcia’s Guide to Beating Drug Addiction

Contraception by Pope John Paul II

Cooking Gourmet Dishes With Tofu

Countries Competing In The World Series

The Englishman’s Guide to the Secrets of Romance

How many screenwriters does it take to change a light bulb?

How many screenwriters does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: Ten.

1st draft. Hero changes light bulb.

2nd draft. Villain changes light bulb.

3rd draft. Hero stops villain from changing light bulb. Villain falls to death.

4th draft. Lose the light bulb. 

5th draft. Light bulb back in. Fluorescent instead of tungsten.

6th draft. Villain breaks bulb, uses it to kill hero’s mentor.

7th draft. Fluorescent not working. Back to tungsten.

8th draft. Hero forces villain to eat light bulb.

9th draft. Hero laments loss of light bulb. Doesn’t change it.

10th draft. Hero changes light bulb.