Wife: Who was that on the phone? Husband: Wrong number. Some guy thought this was the weather bureau. Wife: What did he say? Husband: He asked if the coast was clear…
Wife: Do you think of me when youre away darling? Husband: Yes honey, I always bare you in mind.
Wife, opening mail, to spouse: The bank says that this is our last notice. Isnt it wonderful that theyre not going to bother us anymore?
Why was the broom late? It over swept!
Why is a bride always out of luck on her wedding day? Because she never marries the best man.
Why did the 280-pound girl marry the 400-pound man? She wanted a big wedding.
Where did the burgers go after their wedding? On a bun-eymoon!
When Mr. Maxwells wife left him he couldnt sleep. She took the bed!
When Joes wife ran away with his car, his money and his best friend, he got so depressed that his doctor sent him to see a psychiatrist.Joe told the psychiatrist his troubles and said, Life isnt worth living. I think Im gonna top myself.Dont be stupid, Joe, said the psychiatrist. My wife ran off and left me too, yet Im happy.How? asked Joe.Easy, replied the quack. I threw myself into my work. I totally submerged myself in my job and soon forgot her. By the way, Joe, what work do you do?I clean out septic tanks. Joe replied.