In a speech to a gathering of mathematics professors from throughout the United States, George W. Bush warned the academics not to misuse their position to force their often extremist political views on young Americans. It is my understanding, the president said, that you are frequently teaching algebra classes in which your students learn how to solve equations with the help of radicals. I can’t say that I approve of that…
Statistics Canada is hiring mathematicians. Three recent graduates are invited for an interview: one has a degree in pure mathematics, another one in applied math, and the third one obtained his B.Sc. in statistics.
All three are asked the same question: What is one third plus two thirds?
The pure mathematician: It’s one.
The applied mathematician takes out his pocket calculator, punches in the numbers, and replies: It’s 0.999999999.
The statistician: What do you want it to be?
An investment firm is hiring mathematicians. After the first round of interviews, three hopeful recent graduates – a pure mathematician, an applied mathematician, and a graduate in mathematical finance – are asked what starting salary they are expecting.
The pure mathematician: Would $30,000 be too much?
The applied mathematician: I think $60,000 would be OK.
The math finance person: What about $300,000?
The personnel officer is flabberghasted: Do you know that we have a graduate in pure mathematics who is willing to do the same work for a tenth of what you are demanding!?
Well, I thought of $135,000 for me, $135,000 for you – and $30,000 for the pure mathematician who will do the work.
It is only two weeks into the term that, in a calculus class, a student raises his hand and asks: Will we ever need this stuff in real life?
The professor gently smiles at him and says: Of course not – if your real life will consist of flipping hamburgers at MacDonald’s!
Students nowadays are so clueless, the math professor complains to a colleague. Yesterday, a student came to my office hours and wanted to know if General Calculus was a Roman war hero…
Two mathematicians are studying a convergent series.
The first one says: Do you realize that the series converges even when all the terms are made positive?
The second one asks: Are you sure?
New York (CNN). At John F. Kennedy International Airport today, a Caucasian male (later discovered to be a high school mathematics teacher) was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor and a graphical calculator.
According to law enforcement officials, he is believed to have ties to the Al-Gebra network. He will be charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.
The math professor just accepted a new position at a university in another city and has to move. He and his wife pack all their belongings into cardboard boxes and have them shipped off to their new home. To sort out some family matters, the wife stays behind for a few more days while her husband has already left for their new residence.
The boxes arrive when the wife still hasn’t rejoined her husband. When they talk on the phone in the evening, she asks him to count the boxes, just to make sure the movers didn’t loose any of them.
Thirty nine boxes altogether, says the prof on the phone.
That can’t be, the wife exclaims. The movers picked up forty boxes at our old place.
The prof counts once again, but again his count only reaches 39.
The next morning, the wife calls the moving company and complains. The company promises to check; a few hours later, someone calls back and reports that all forty boxes did arrive.
In the evening, when the prof and his wife are on the phone again, she asks: I don’t understand it. When you count, you get 39, and when they do, they get 40. That’s more than strange…
Well, the prof says. This is a cordless phone, so you can stay on the line and count with me: zero, one, two, three,…
Two math students, a boy and his girlfriend, are going to a fair. They are in line to ride the ferris wheel when it shuts down.
The boy says: It’s a sin for those people to keep us waiting like this!
The girl replies: No – it’s a cosin, silly!!!