Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for a man then for a women? Because when its time to go back to childhood, a man is already there.
Why is a psychiatrist like a squirrel? Because they are both surrounded by nuts.
Why did the witch go to the psychiatrist? Because she thought everybody loved her.
When they arrived at the therapists office, the therapist jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. What seems to be the problem? Immediately, the husband held his long face down without anything to say. On the other hand, the wife began talking 90 miles and hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage. After 5 – – 10 – – 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the therapist went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down. Afterwards, the wife sat there – speechless. He looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what had happened. The therapist spoke to the husband, Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week! The husband scratched his head and replied, I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the physiatrist began his therapy session, Im not aware of your problem, the doctor said. So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning.Of course. replied the patient. In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth…
Whats the difference between a psychologist and a magician? A psychologist pulls habits out of rats!
What is the difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist? If you say to a psychiatrist I hate my mother, he will ask Why do you say that? while a psychologist will say Thank you for sharing that with us.
What happens if you tell a psychiatrist you are schizophrenic? He charges you double.
What do you know when you see three rabbits walking down the street wearing tuxedos and top hats? You know you need a psychiatrist!
What do Psychologists say to each other when they meet? Youre fine, how am I?