Mom takes Darling Daughter for her annual check-up at the pediatrician. Younger brothers and Dad are also along for this fun family outing. As the exam begins, The Good Doctor reminds the young patient about the importance of keeping private areas private — namely, that no one see or touch their private areas other than Mommy, Daddy or the Doctor when Mommy or Daddy is present.
At this point Darling Daughter has something to add to the conversation.
DD: Mommy, you do that.
Mom (flustered): Um, do what?
DD: Let strangers touch your private parts.
Mom (beet red and praying DD will shut up): No, no, I don’t.
DD: Yes, you do – at the nail place. In that back room.
(Mom mentally kicks herself for bringing DD along for that particular personal grooming outing.)
Mom: Oh, you mean when I get a bikini wax. That’s not really the same thing.
DD: Sure it is, they were touching your privates.
At this point, Dad jumps in to helpfully rescue Mom before she dies of embarrassment.
Dad: Well, DD, that’s really just like a haircut for Mommy … (voice trails off)
DD: What do you mean a haircut?
Mom: Let’s have this discussion later, please.
Young Bobby was being fitted for glasses, and his father, standing beside him, said, Now, remember, son. Dont wear them when youre not looking at anything.
With four daughters and one son always dashing to school activities and part-time jobs, our schedule was hectic.To add to this, we kept running out of household supplies.I instructed them all to let me know when they used the last of any item by writing it down on a note pad on the refrigerator.As a reminder, I wrote at the top: IF WE ARE OUT OF IT, WRITE IT DOWN.When I checked the pad a few days later, to my delight I found the following message:MOM, YOU MAY BE A BIT OLD-FASHIONED, BUT YOU ARE NOT OUT OF IT.
Why are parents boring? Because theyre groan-ups
When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child.The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this: Some parents, she said, tell the older child, We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family. But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife. One of the women spoke up immediately. Does she cook???
When is a parent like a child? When hes a miner.
When Ben hit his thumb with a hammer he let out a few choice words. Shocked by her sons outburst, his mother said, Dont you dare use that kind of language in here. William Shakespeare did, replied Ben. Well, youd better stop going around with him, said Mom.
Whats another name for an parent? Someone whos stopped growing except around the waist.
What do young ghosts call their parents? Deady and Mummy.
What do you call a small parent? A minimum!