A chemist goes into a pharmacist and says: “do you have any acetylsalicylic acid”? To which the pharmacist replies “do you mean aspirin”? Chemist:”oh yeah, I can never remember what you call that stuff”.
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents for the first time. She tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him afterward. The boy is ecstatic and takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy whether he’d like to buy a 3-pack or 12-pack. The boy insists on the latter and jokes he will be rather busy.
That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and is taken to the dinner table where the girl’s parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, “I had no idea you were so religious.” The boy turns and whispers back, “I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.”
Man walks into a pharmacy, and goes up to the counter: “Hey, Mr. Pharmacist, where do you keep the condoms? My girlfriend’s waiting in the car” The pharmacist replies, “Ah. Right there, Aisle 22.” The guy comes back a little later with a box of condoms, and has the pharmacist ring him up. “Would you like a paper bag?” asks the pharmacist.
“Oh, no.” the man replies, “My girlfriend isn’t that ugly.”
What did the angry, dying fungus say to his assassin?
“You’re a huge azole!”
A brief history of Pharmacy: “Doctor, I have an ear ache.”
2000 B.C. – “Here, eat this root.”
1000 B.C. – “That root is heathen, say this prayer.”
1850 A.D. – “That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.”
1940 A.D. – “That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.”
1985 A.D. – “That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.”
2000 A.D. – “That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!”
A consultant pharmacist was doing his rounds and decided to perform an experiment. He handed a nurse two 8 pound steel balls and locked her in a round, padded room with no windows. He opened the door 30 seconds later to discover she had broken one of the balls and lost the other.
A lady walked into a pharmacy and told the pharmacist that she needed some cyanide. The pharmacist said, ‘Why in the world do you need cyanide?’ The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he said, ‘I can’t give you cyanide e to kill your husband! they’ll throw both of us in jail!’ The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, ‘Well, now. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.’
So this guy died and they had his funeral. They roll his casket out to the hearse and start to put it in, but they lose control of it and it starts to roll down the hill. It picks up speed and soon it’s flying down main street. It keeps flying down the hill until it reaches the bottom and crashes through the front door of a pharmacy, coming to rest on the counter. The casket pops open and the body inside shoots upright and looks at the pharmacist. “Hey buddy, you got anything to stop this coffin?”
Three pregnant women are waiting in the lobby of an OB/GYN. They’re all happily knitting to pass the time, when one pulls a vial from her purse and takes a pill. “What’s that?” ask the other two. “Oh, just a multivitamin – good for mommy, good for little baby.”
The other two smile and nod, and resume knitting. A minute later, the second woman takes a tablet of her own. “What’s that?” ask the others. “Oh, just a prenatal vitamin; good for mommy, good for the baby.”
They all smile and nod, and resume knitting. Finally the third woman produces a vial and takes a tablet. “What’s that?” the first two ask.
“Thalidomide. I can’t knit sleeves.”
A doctor is giving a talk at a symposium. Like any good public speaker, he wrote his speech out on notecards. Unfortunately, when he gets up to the podium, he finds that he just can’t read his notes. So, he says to the audience, “Is there a pharmacist in the house?”