President Obama was come out with a new program to aid Americans who are having a problem with making house payments. The name of the bill is( this is a long one)….Interest and Mortgage Special Consolidation Reducing Everyone’s Waywardness Eliminating Debt. It is also know as I M S C R E W E D. Log on to the White House web site for more info!!!!! And now….back to your day.
A businessman meets a beautiful girl and agrees to spend the afternoon with her for $500. So they do. Before he leaves, he tells her that he does not have any cash with him, but that he will have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment ‘RENT FOR APARTMENT.’
On the way to the office he regrets what he has done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price. So he has his secretary send a check for $250 and enclosed the following typed note:
Dear Madam, Enclosed find check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the apartment,I was under the impression that
1) it had never been occupied;
2) that there was plenty of heat;
3) that is was small enough to make me cozy and at home.
However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn’t any heat, and that it was entirely too large.
Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for $250 with the following note
Dear Sir: First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on. Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don’t have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the landlady.
Send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady!
The resident manager of a building was called into a rental apartment where the tenant pointed to some water running down the wall. The water appeared to be originating in the apartment above approximately where their bathroom sink would be. So he went upstairs and asked the lady there if she’d had a leak in her sink. She replied “Oh no Mr. Brown, I would never do anything like that.”
Vartanik and his three friends are telling stories in a bar. Vartanik leaves for a bathroom break. Three guys are left. The first guy says, “I was worried that my son was gonna be a loser because he started out washing cars for a local dealership, but they made him a salesman, In fact, he`s so successful that he just gave his best friend a new Mercedes for his birthday.The second guy says, “I was worried about my son too because he started out raking leaves for a Realtor,they made him a commissioned salesman,btw he just gave his best friend a new house for his birthday.The third guy says, “Yeah, I hear you. My son started out sweeping floors in a brokerage firm. In fact, he`s so rich that he just gave his best friend a million in stock for his birthday.Vartanik comes back from the can. The first 3 explain that they are telling stories about their kids, so he says, “Well, I`m embarrassed to admit that my son is a MAJOR disappointment. He started out as a hairdresser and is STILL a hairdresser after 15 years. In fact, I just found out that he`s gay and has SEVERAL boyfriends. But, I try to look at the bright side his boyfriends just bought him a new Mercedes, a new house, and a million in stock for his birthday.
A blonde realtor walks into an appliance store and says, “I would like to buy that T.V. please.” The store clerk replies, “I’m sorry, we don’t do business with blondes -especially realtors.” So she went to her car, took off her real estate blazer and went back into the store. “I would like to buy that T.V. please.” The store clerk again replies, “I’m sorry, we don’t do business with blondes.” The blonde leaves the store. Then she stormed off back to her house and dyed her hair black. The next day, she went back to the same store and said, “I would like to buy that T.V. please.” The store clerk, once again, replies, ” Sorry, but I told you before. We don’t do business with blondes.”
The blonde replied “How did you know I was blonde?”
The clerk says “Because thats a microwave, not a T.V.”
Q: What room in your house is a mummy afraid of?
A: The living room!
A real estate agent was knocking on doors of homes in his farm area. At one house it was clear that someone was at home, but his repeated knocks at the door went unanswered. So, he took out one of his business cards and scribbled “Revelation 3:20″ on the back of it, stuck it in the door, and went about his rounds.
When he got back to the office the next day, the receptionist gave him a business card. It was his own, and he recognised the “Revelation 3:20″ he wrote the day before. In a very neat handwriting, a cryptic message was added: “Genesis 3:10″.
Later, when checking the Bible verse, he couldn’t help but break into gales of laughter.
Revelation 3:20 begins: “Behold, I stand at the door and knock.”
Genesis 3:10 reads: “I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.”
Einstien dies and goes to heaven. First person he see he asks, “Excuse me? What’s your IQ” The person replies, 280. Einstien says, great! We can talk about astro physics! 2nd person he runs into he asks the same question, what’s your IQ? The person replies, 150. Great! says Einstien, we can talk about events of the day! 3rd person he sees he once again asks about their IQ. This time the person says 45! Einstiens says, Great! Where do you think the real estate market is headed??!!
A crusty old man walks into a real estate office and says to an female agent,
“I want to sell my G-d damn house.”
To which the astonished female agent replies, “I beg your pardon,
sir; I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?”
“Listen up, damn it. I said I want to sell my fucking house!”
“I’m very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of
language in this office.”
So saying, the agent goes over to the officer broker to tell him about her situation. They both
return and the broker asks the old geezer, “What seems to
be the problem here?”
“There’s no damn problem,” the man says, “I want to sell my fucking million dollar home.”
“I see,” says the manager, “and this bitch is giving
you a hard time?”
An agent who was being paid by the week approached his office manager and held up his last paycheck. ‘This is two hundred dollars less than we agreed on,’ he said. ‘I know,’ the manager said. ‘But last week I overpaid you two hundred dollars, and you never complained.’ ‘Well, I don’t mind an occasional mistake,’ the agent answered, ‘but when it gets to be a habit, I feel I have to call it to your attention.’