You know you’re a redneck if you’re part of the KKK, but you can’t spell it.
Interviewer: How do you spell Mississippi? Redneck: Which one? The river or the state?
Mah sons real smart! crowed the redneck mother to an acquaintance. Hes only six but he can already spell his name backwards and forwards! Whats his name? asked the friend. Bob.
A redneck calls up the White House and tells the receptionist:Id like to become the next President of the United States.The receptionist: What are you, an idiot?Redneck: Why, is it required?
Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.The passenger, Bubba, said Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, its a police roadblock!! Were gonna get busted fer drinkin these here beers!!Dont worry, Bubba, Earl said. Well just pull over and finish drinkin these beers then peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat.What fer?, asked Bubba.Just let me do the talkin, OK?, said Earl.Well, they finished their beers, threw the empties out of sight & put label on each of their foreheads.When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, You boys been drinkin?No, sir, said Earl while pointing at the labels. Were on the patch.
A redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. The redneck says:
– I want my $20 million.
The man replied:
– No, sir. It doesn’t work that way. We give you a million today and then you’ll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years.
The redneck said:
– Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it.
Again, the man explain that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.
The redneck, furious with the man, screams out:
– Look, I want my money! If you’re not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back!
Why do rednecks act like such morons? Who says theyre acting?
Two rednecks from Arkansas were out hunting. They decided to separate to get a better chance of catching something.The first redneck says to the other, If you get lost, fire three shots into the air every hour. That way I can pinpoint you and find you.After about three hours, the second redneck finds he is really lost. He decides to fire three shots into the air as the first man told him. He then waits an hour and does it again. He repeats this until he is out of ammo.The next morning, the first redneck finds the second with the help of forest rangers. He asks the second redneck man if he did what he told him to do.The redneck answers, Yes, I fired three shots into the air every hour on the hour until I ran out of arrows.
Two Virginia rednecks go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment – the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. I mean they spend a fortune!The first day they go fishing, but they don’t catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.As they’re driving home they’re really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, Do you realise that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?The other guy says, Wow! Then its a good thing we didn’t catch any more!
Q. What do a hurricane, a tornado, and a redneck divorce all have in common? A. Someones going to lose their trailer…