Category Archives: Religious Jokes

The Devil’s in the details

A guy dies and is sent to hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one to spend eternity in. In the first room, people are standing in dirt up to their necks. The guy says, ‘No, let me see the next room.’ In the second room, people are standing in dirt up to their noses. Guy says no again. Finally Satan opens the third room. People are standing with dirt up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating pastries. The guy says, ‘I pick this room.’ Satan says Ok and starts to leave, and the guy wades in and starts pouring some coffee. On the way out Satan yells, ‘OK, coffee break’s over. Everyone back on your heads!

Oooo Heaven is a place on earth

Sid and Irv are business partners. They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife. So Irv dies. Sid doesn’t hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife. Then one day he gets a call. It’s Irv. ‘So there is an afterlife! What’s it like?’ Sid asks. ‘Well, I sleep very late. I get up, have a big breakfast. Then I have sex, lots of sex. Then I go back to sleep, but I get up for lunch, have a big lunch. Have some more sex, take a nap. Huge dinner. More sex. Go to sleep and wake up the next day.’ ‘Oh, my God,’ says Sid. ‘So that’s what heaven is like?’ ‘Oh no,’ says Irv. ‘I’m not in heaven. I’m a bear in Yellowstone Park.

THEY BLAME THE COUNTRIES THEY ARE HAPPY IN

They’re not happy in Gaza ..

They’re not happy in Egypt ..

They’re not happy in Libya ..

They’re not happy in Morocco ..

They’re not happy in Iran ..

They’re not happy in Iraq ..

They’re not happy in Yemen …

They’re not happy in Afghanistan …

They’re not happy in Pakistan ..

They’re not happy in Syria ..

They’re not happy in Lebanon …

 

SO.. WHERE ARE THEY HAPPY?

Continue reading THEY BLAME THE COUNTRIES THEY ARE HAPPY IN

While leading the Friday evening services…

While leading the Friday evening services, the Rabbi noticed a member of the congregation, Bernie, walk in with a St. Bernard dog. The Rabbi,horrified, asked the Cantor to continue the service and went to talk to Bernie.Rabbi: What are doing here with a dog?Bernie: The dog came here to pray.Oh, come on. says the Rabbi.YES! says Bernie.Rabbi: I dont believe you. You are just fooling around; thats not a proper thing to do in temple.Bernie: Its true!..Ok, says the Rabbi, then show me what the dog can do.OK says Bernie nodding to the dog…The dog proceeds to open up the barrel under his neck and removes a yarmulke, a tall is (puts them on his head) and prayer book and actually starts saying prayers in Hebrew! The Rabbi is so shocked he listens for a full 15 minutes.When the Rabbi regains his composure, he is so impressed with the quality of the praying he says to Bernie. Do you think your dog would consider going to Rabbinical school????Bernie, throwing up his hands in disgust says,YOU TALK TO HIM! He wants to be a doctor!

When this guy heard that the Pope was coming to town…

When this guy heard that the Pope was coming to town, he went out and bought a tuxedo in the hope that the Pope might notice him on the parade route. When he went to the parade, there was this bum standing next to him, with old, dirty clothes on. The the guys amazement, when the Pope came, he went over to the bum, and whispered something in his ear. Enraged, the guy went over to the bum and offered him $100 for the clothes off his back. Next day, he went back to the parade dressed like a bum.Sure enough, when the Pope came, he stopped in front of this guy, and whispered in his ear, I thought I told you to get the hell out of here!