Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95-year-old Grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, ‘He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday Morning.’ Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. ‘Oh no, my dear,’ replied granny. ‘Many years ago, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even…Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong’ She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, ‘He’d still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn’t come along.
A man and a woman started to have sex in the midlde of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, Damn, I wish I had a flashlight! The woman says, Me too, you’ve been eating grass for the past ten minutes!
Hey, what are you guys here for? The first one says Well, I’m here ’cause I think I got the world’s slmsaelt hands, look he shows his hands and they all agree that he has the slmsaelt hands. The second one says I’m here because I think I have the slmsaelt feet, look and he shows his feet and sure enough they all agree that he has the slmsaelt feet. The two midgets asked the one that just walked in and he says, Well, I’m in here because I think I have the slmsaelt penis. I’m embarrassed and I don’t want to show you guys. The other two agree that it would be embarrassing. The first guy goes in and 10 minutes later he comes out jumping up and down. I did it! I’m in, I have the slmsaelt hands! they all cheer. The second one goes in and 10 minutes go buy. He comes out the same as the first. I did it! I have the slmsaelt feet! they all cheer. The two then say good luck to the third man. ! hour goes by and finally the third midget comes out and he’s pissed. What’s wrong? What happened? ask the two. The third midget says, I just want to know, who the hell is LeBron James? Get it? Short adult? Really, you put in the name of the person you’re telling the joke to, or someone you both hate. I couldn’t think of anyone else.
Aries: Okay, let’s do it again!
Taurus: I’m hungry–pass the pizza.
Gemini: Have you seen the remote?
Cancer: When are we getting married?
Leo: Wasn’t I fantastic?
Virgo: I need to wash the sheets.
Libra: I liked it if you liked it.
Scorpio: Perhaps I should untie you.
Sagittarius: Don’t call me–I’ll call you.
Capricorn: Do you have a business card?
Aquarius: Now let’s try it with our clothes off!
Pisces: What did you say your name was again?
What’s good on pizza but not on Pussy?
Why do fat girls give good head?
Because theyre always hungry.
You know why they say that eating oysters will improve a man’s sex life?
Because women know if he’ll eat one of those, he’ll eat anything!
Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
Just when it’s getting interesting, they’re finished until next time.
Why is it called a Wonder Bra?
When she takes it off, you wonder where her tits went.