Category Archives: Spelling Jokes

Resumania’s Archive

•Job Duties: “Answer phones, file papers, respond to customer e-mails, take odors.”
•Interests: “Gossiping.”
•Favorite Activities: “Playing trivia games. I am a repository of worthless knowledge.”
•Skills: “I can type without looking at thekeyboard.”
•Employer: ” Myself; received pay raise for high sales.”
•Objective: “I want to play a major part in watching a company advance.”
•Experience: “Chapter president, 1887-1992.”
•Experience: “Demonstrated ability in multi-tasting.”
•Experience: “I’m a hard worker, etc.”
•Languages: “Speak English and Spinach.”
•Reason for leaving: “I thought the world was coming to an end.”
•Additional skills: “I am a Notary Republic.”
•Objective: “So one of the main things for me is, as the movie ‘Jerry McGuire’ puts it, ‘Show me the money!’”
•Skills: “I have integrity so I will not steal office supplies and take them home.”
•Objective: “To hopefully associate with a millionaire one day.”
•Skills: “I have technical skills that will take your breath away.”
•Qualifications: “I have guts, drive, ambition and heart, which is probably more than a lot of the drones that you have working for you.”
•Objective: “I need money because I have bills to pay and I would like to have a life, go out partying, please my young wife with gifts, and have a menu entrée consisting of more than soup.”
•Qualifications: “Twin sister has accounting degree.”
•Experience: “Have not yet been abducted by aliens.”
•Skills: “Written communication = 3 years; verbal communication = 5 years.”
•Objective: “I would like to work for a company that is very lax when it comes to tardiness.”
•Education: “I possess a moderate educatin but willing to learn more.”
•Education: “Have repeated courses repeatedly.”
•Salary requirements: “The higher the better.”
•Salary desired: “Starting over due to recent bankruptcies. Need large bonus when starting job.”
•Bad traits: “I am very bad about time and don’t mind admitting it. Having to arrive at a certain hour doesn’t make sense to me. What does make sense is that I do the job. Any company that insists upon rigid time schedules will find me a nightmare.”
•References: “Bill, Tom, Eric. But I don’t know their phone numbers.”
•Work experience: “Two years as a blackjack and baccarat dealer. Strong emphasis on customer relations – a constant challenge considering how much money people lose and how angry they can get.”
•Personal: “I limit important relationships to people who want to do what I want them to do.”
•Objective: “Student today. Vice president tomarrow.”
•Accomplishments: “Brought in a balloon artist to entertain the team.”
•Application: Why should an employer hire you? “I bring doughnuts on Friday.”
•Achievements: “First runner-up for Miss Fort Worth, 1982.”
•Reason for leaving: “Pushed aside so the vice president’s girlfriend could steal my job.”
•Special skills: “I’ve got a Ph.D. in human feelings.”
•Reason for leaving last job: “Bounty hunting was outlawed in my state.”
•Experience: “Any interruption in employment is due to being unemployed.”
•Objective: “To become Overlord of the Galaxy!”
•Objective: “What I’m looking for in a job: #1) Money #2) Money #3) Money.”
•Hobbies: “Mushroom hunting.”
•Experience: “Child care provider: Organized activities; prepared lunches and snakes.”
•Objective: “My dream job would be as a professional baseball player, but since I can’t do that, I’ll settle on being an accountant.”
•Awards: “National record for eating 45 eggs in two minutes.”
•Heading on stationery: “I’d Break Mom’s Heart to Work For You!”
•“I am a ‘neat nut’ with a reputation for being hardnosed. I have no patience for sloppywork, carelessmistakes and theft of companytime.”
•Experience: “Provide Custer Service.”
•Experience: “I was brought in as a turnaround consultant to help turn the company around.”
•Strengths: “Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer.”
•Work experience: “Responsibilities included checking customers out.”
•Work experience: “Maintained files and reports, did data processing, cashed employees’ paychecks.”
•Educational background: “Highschool was a incredible experience.”
•Resume: “A great management team that has patents with its workers.”
•Cover letter: “Experienced in all faucets of accounting.”
•Objective: “I am anxious to use my exiting skills.”
•Personal: “I am loyal and know when to keep my big mouth shut.”
•Job duties: “Filing, billing, printing and coping.”
•Application: “Q: In what local areas do you prefer to work? A: Smoking.”
•Reason for leaving: “Terminated after saying, ‘It would be a blessing to be fired.’”
•Personal: “My family is willing to relocate. However not to New England (too cold) and not to Southern California (earthquakes). Indianapolis or Chicago would be fine. My youngest prefers Orlando’s proximity to Disney World.”
•Resume: “I have a lifetime’s worth of technical expertise (I wasn’t born – my mother simply chose ‘eject child’ from the special menu.”
•Resume: “Spent several years in the United States Navel Reserve.”
•Qualifications: “I have extensive experience with foreign accents.”
•“I am fully aware of the king of attention this position requires.”
•References: “Please do not contact my immediate supervisor at the company. My colleagues will give me a better reference.”
•“Worked in a consulting office where I carried out my own accountant.”
•Accomplishments: “My contributions on product launches were based on dreams that I had.”
•Career: “I have worked with restraints for the past two years.”
•Experience: “My father is a computer programmer, so I have 15 years of computer experience.”
•Education: “I have a bachelorette degree in computers.”

Resume Bloopers

I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.

I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms.

Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.

Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.

Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.

Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.

It’s best for employers that I not work with people.

Let’s meet, so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.

You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.

Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.

I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.

I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.

I am loyal to my employer at all costs..Please feel free to respond to my
resume on my office voice mail.

I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and
absolutely nothing.

My goal is to be a meterologist. But since I possess no training in
meterology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.

I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.

Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.

As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.

Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.

Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never
quit a job.

Marital status: often. Children: various.

Reason for leaving my last job: They insisted that all employees get to
work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn’t work under thos conditions.

The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.

Finished eighth in my class of ten.

References: none. I’ve left a path of destruction behind me.

Top 12 Wackiest Resume Blunders

1. Candidate included that he spent summers on his family’s yacht in Grand Cayman.

2. Candidate attached a letter from her mother.

3. Candidate used pale blue paper with teddy bears around the border.

4. Candidate explained a gap in employment by saying it was because he was getting over the death of his cat for three months.

5. Candidate specified that his availability was limited because Friday, Saturday and Sunday was drinking time.

6. Candidate included a picture of herself in a cheerleading uniform.

7. Candidate drew a picture of a car on the outside of the envelope and said it was the hiring manager’s gift.

8. Candidate’s hobbies included sitting on the levee at night watching alligators.

9. Candidate included the fact that her sister once won a strawberry eating contest.

10. Candidate explained that he works well nude.

11. Candidate explained an arrest by stating, We stole a pig, but it was a really small pig.

12. Candidate included family medical history.

Resume Blunders:

•“an applicant ghosted a headshot as the background to her resume”
•Other Interests: “Playing with my two dogs (They actually belong to my wife but I love the dogs more than my wife)”.
•“One applicant used colored paper and drew glitter designs around the border”
•Hobbies: “getting drunk everynight down by the water, playing my guitar and smoking pot”
•Why Interested in Position: “to keep my parole officer from putting back me in jail”
•A woman had attached a picture of herself in a mini mouse costume
•Hobbies: “Drugs and girls”.
•Under “job related skills” – for a web designer – “can function without additional oxygen at 24,000 feet”.
•My sister-in-law misspelled the word “proofreading” in her skill set.
•The objective on one recent resume I received stated that the applicant wished to pursue a challenging account executive position with our rival firm.
•Objective: “career on the Information Supper Highway”
•Experience: “Stalking, shipping & receiving”
•“I am great with the pubic.”
•A candidate listed her e-mail address as pornstardelight@*****.com
•The applicant listed her name as Alice in the resume but wrote Alyce on the onsite application.
•One candidate’s electronic resume included links to her homepage, where the pictures were of her in the nude.
•“…sent out my resume on the back side of a draft of a cover letter to another firm…”
•“My duties included cleaning the restrooms and seating the customers.”
•One applicant for a nursing position noted that she didn’t like dealing with blood or needles.
•Achievements: “Nominated for prom queen”
•I once received a resume with a head and shoulders picture in the top left of the first page. The picture was of a lion’s head, wearing a coat, shirt, and tie.
•a resume… was printed on the back of the person’s current employer’s letterhead.
•One resume that came across my desk stated how the individual had won a contest for building toothpick bridges in middle school.
•A resume… had several grease stains and a smudge of chocolate on it
•Hobbies: “Having a good time”

Resume Bloopers:

•“Skills: Strong Work Ethic, Attention to Detail, Team Player, Self Motivated, Attention to Detail”
•Woman who sent her résumé and cover letter without deleting someone else’s editing, including such comments as “I don’t think you want to say this about yourself here”

Top 10 Wackiest Resume Blunders

1. Candidate included weight and all allergies.

2. Candidate stated the ability to persuade people sexually using her words.

3. Candidate wrote résumé as a play – Act 1, Act 2, etc.

4. Candidate explained that getting this job would look really neat on his résumé.

5. Candidate specified emergency contact as the hospital.

6. Candidate included naked picture of himself.

7. Candidate explained the need for multiple bathroom breaks each hour.

8. Candidate’s hobbies included long walks with fiancé and bingo.

9. Candidate included a letter from his mother.

10. Candidate explained that he works well nude.

Resume Hell

•“Career break in 1999 to renovate my horse”
•“1990 – 1997: Stewardess – Royal Air Force”
•Hobbies: “enjoy cooking Chinese and Italians”
•“Service for old man to check they are still alive or not.”
•Cleaning skills: “bleaching, pot washing, window cleaning, mopping, e.t.c”
•“Job involved…counselling clientele on accidental insurance policies available”
•“2001 summer Voluntary work for taking care of the elderly and vegetable people”
•“I’m intrested to here more about that. I’m working today in a furniture factory as a drawer”
•“I am about to enrol on a Business and Finance Degree with the Open University. I feel that this qualification will prove detrimental to me for future success.”
•“Time is very valuable and it should be always used to achieve optimum results and I believe it should not be played around with”
•“I belive that weakness is the first level of strength, given the right attitude and driving force. My school advised me to fix my punctuality…”

Top 20 of the Most Hilarious Spelling Mistakes on Resumes and Cover Letters:

20. “I have a known track record and excellent experience with accurancy and fixing erors”

19. “Strong Work Ethic, Attention to Detail, Team Player, Attention to Detail”

18. “My experience include filing, billing, printing and coping”

17. “Demonstrated ability in multi-tasting.”

16. “My work ethics are impeachable.”

15. “I have nervous of steel.”

14. “I consistently tanked as top sales producer for new accounts.”

13. “I am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.”

12. “Dear Sir or Madman,”

11. “I can type without looking at thekeyboard.”

10. “Instrumental in ruiningentire operation for a Midwest chain store.”

9. “I am anxious to use my exiting skills”

8. “Speak English and Spinach”

7. “I am a Notary Republic”

6. “I attended collage courses for minor public relations”

5. “Following is a griefoverview of my skills.”

4. “I’m attacking my resume for you to review.”

3. “I am experienced in all faucets of accounting.”

2. “Hope to hear from you, shorty.”

1. “Directed $25 million analshipping and receiving operations.”

Spelling checker

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rarely ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect in it’s weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.