A couple of Yogi Berra’s team mates on the Yankees ball club swear that one night the stocky catcher was horrified to see a baby toppling off the roof of a cottage across the way from him. Yogi dashed over and made a miraculous catch – but then force of habit proved too much for him. He straightened up and threw the baby to second base.
Mommy Bear and Daddy Bear were in divorce court. The judge looked down and asked the Baby Bear, So Baby Bear, do you want to live with Daddy Bear? Oh, no, Baby Bear replied, I don’t want to live with Daddy Bear. He beat me. Well then, you should live with Mommy Bear, answered the judge. On, no, I don’t want to live with Mommy Bear. She beat me. Well then, Baby Bear, who do you want to live with? Baby Bear said, I want to live with the Chicago Bears. They don’t beat anybody!
Alexander Potter was a sports fan whose face was always either buried in the sports pages or transfixed by the television screen. One night as he lay in bed next to his wife watching a football game, she got up, walked across the room and unplugged the television set. Hey, Alex shouted, what do you think you’re doing?
I am sick of sports, and I’m sick of TV, his wife replied. You haven’t touched me in months. We’re going to talk about sex right now! Okay, Okay. So… After a moment, he asked, How often do you think Brett Favre gets laid?
The huge college freshman decided to try out for the football team. Can you tackle? asked the coach. Watch this, said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters. Wow, said the coach. I’m impressed. Can you run?
Of course I can run, said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash. Great! enthused the coach. But can you pass a football? The freshman hesitated for a few seconds. Well, sir, he said, if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it.
During preseason training, a college football lineman married one of the team’s cheerleaders. The coach was a bit surprised and remarked to his star football player, You are such a big, burley guy. Why in the world did you marry such a tiny, petite woman? She is no bigger than your hand. That’s right, Coach, replied the lineman. But, she’s much better!
One Sunday afternoon, a guy walks into a bar with his pet dog. The bartender said, Sorry, pal. No pets allowed. The man replied, This is a special dog. Turn on the Jets game and you’ll see. The bartender, anxious to see what will happen, turned on the game. The guy said, Watch. Whenever the Jets score, my dog does flips. The Jets keep scoring field goals and the dog keeps flipping and jumping. Wow! That’s one hell of a dog you got there. What happens when the Jets score a touchdown? asked the bartender. The man replied, I don’t know. I’ve only had him for seven years.
A guy named Joe receives a free ticket to the SuperBowl from his company. Unfortunately, when Joe arrives at the stadium, he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium, he’s closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field. About halfway through the first quarter, Joe sees through his binoculars an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the 50 yardline.
He decides to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat. As he sits down, Joe asks the gentleman sitting next to him, Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?
The man says No.
Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Joe again inquires of the man next to him, This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the SuperBowl and not use it?!
The man replies, Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first SuperBowl we haven’t been together at since we got married in 1967.
Well, that’s really sad, said Joe, but still, you couldn’t find anyone to take the seat? A friend or close relative? No, the man replies, They’re all at the funeral.