Caller: Operator! Operator! Call me an ambulance! Operator: Okay. Youre an ambulance!
Caller: My goodness, Operator! Your nose is so stuffed up, I cant understand you. You should really take something for that cold. Operator: Good idea. Ill take the rest of the day off!
At three o’clock one morning a veterinary surgeon was woken from a deep sleep by the ringing of his telephone. He staggered downstairs and answered the phone. Im sorry if I woke you, said a voice at the other end of the line. Thats all right, said the vet, I had to get up to answer the telephone anyway.
After my wife and her former best buddy, another Air Force wife, were separated by a move that posted onehusband on the opposite coast, the telephone became their chief means of communication. When our phonebills showed astronomical increases, the other spouse and I sought relief. Since we both owned computers, weencourage our wives to use electronic mail. Now they call on the phone to let each other know that e-mail was sent, then call back to confirm that itarrived and have a conversation about the contents!
A psychiatrist was testing the mentality of a patient. Do you ever hear voices without being able to tell who is speaking or where the voices are coming from? asked the psychiatrist. As a matter of fact, I do, said the patient. And when does this happen? asked the psychiatrist. Oh, said the patient, when I answer the telephone.
A man and a couple of his friends had just finished a round of golf at the country club and they were changing their shoes when a cell phone on the bench rang. The man picked it up and answered it. Hi honey, said the woman on the other end. Hi honey, replied the man. I was just calling to tell you about this fur coat I found today. Its beautiful fox fur and I just love the way it looks on me. Its on sale too, a real bargain. Its down to $2000 from $4000. Can I get it? The man thought about it for a sec and said, Youre sure its a good deal? Oh yes, replied the woman. Okay then, I guess you can get it, replied the man. The woman continued,Oh, and you know how weve been thinking about getting rid of the Lexus and getting a new Jaguar? Well, I went to the dealership today and the guy gave me a real deal. He said hed lower the price from $50,000 to $35,000 just for me. Can I get it? The man thought a little harder and said,If youre sure its a good deal, then yes, go ahead and get the Jaguar. The woman continued again. Oh, one last thing, honey. Remember that house we saw last month that we really liked, but decided wed wait and think about? Well, its on the market again, so I checked the price. Its down to $450,000 and I checked with the bank and we have enough in the checking account so that I can just write a check. Should I get it? The man got a frown on his face and said,See if you can get them down to $420,000. If theyll go down to that, go ahead and get it. The woman was extremely excited. Okay honey, thank you so much! Ill see you when I get home! Bye! Bye, said the man. He hung up the phone and looked at the other men in the locker room and said, Does anyone know whose phone this is?