1 Two flies are playing football in a saucer. One says to the other, “Make an effort, we’re playing in the cup tomorrow.” Tommy Tiernan
2 Dominatrixes certainly are some rude people. You’d think for that price they could afford a little kindness. Sarah Ranken
3 Joan Rivers got exactly what she wanted from that last surgery – to stop ageing. So why are we sad? Katherine Ryan
4 Never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them. Matt Winning
5 Bonsai lovers are very tolerant people: they hate bigotry. Juliet Meyers
Continue reading The 50 best jokes 2015
10. Why is money called dough?
Because we all knead it.
9. Knock Knock!
I knew you were a nut!
8. There is the story of a preacher who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: “I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it’s still out there in your pockets.”
7. A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill, as this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the $5.00, and sat down to write a thank-you note to the Lord. It said: Dear Lord, Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington, DC and as usual, those jerks deducted $95.
Continue reading Top 10 Funniest Money Jokes
10. Why did the chicken cross the road?
Siri: I have no particular insights into the motivations of chickens.
9. Can I teach you a joke?
Siri: Get Siri-ous! Haha
8. Will you marry me?
Siri: My end User Licensing Agreement does not cover marriage. My apologies.
7. Tell me a joke about Alzheimers.
Siri: I can’t. I always forget the punch line
Continue reading Top 10 Hilarious Siri Conversations
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
2. It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn’t have the balls to do it.
3. There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn’t control his pupils.
4. The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize.
5. He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.
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10. Q: Why is 6 afraid of 7?
A: Because 789.
9. Q: How do you make a skunk stop smelling?
A: Pinch it’s nose closed.
8. Q: What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
A: It let out a little wine!
Continue reading Top 10 Hilarious Kids Jokes
Q. What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down?
A. It gets toad away.
A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper, “Does your dog bite?”
The shopkeeper says, “No, my dog does not bite.”
The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him. “Ouch!” He says, “I thought you said your dog does not bite!”
The shopkeeper replies, “That is not my dog!”
Q. Why did the lion brake up with his girlfriend?
A. Cuz she was a CHEETAH!
Continue reading Top 10 Hilarious Animal Jokes
When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris.Chuck Norris Facts (Jokes)
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn’t built up the courage to tell him yet.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life.
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Madame foot’s caught in the door!
I know a great knock-knock joke.
Ok, tell me.
All right. You start.
Ok, knock, knock!
Continue reading Top 10 Funniest Knock Knock Jokes
10. Question: If a blonde and a brunette fell off a building, who would hit the ground first?
Answer: The brunette – the blonde would have to stop for directions!
9. The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.
“Six please” she said, “I could never eat twelve!”
Continue reading Top 10 Funniest Blonde Jokes
1. A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
‘Careful,’ he said, ‘CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! Salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!’
The wife stared at him. ‘What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?’
The husband calmly replied, ‘I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.
2. Wife: Why do you go out in the balcony, when I start singing.
Husband: Because the people would think I am beating you.
Continue reading Top 10 Funniest Family Jokes