Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guy drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second guy says, ‘What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear.’ ‘I don’t need to outrun the bear,’ the first guy says. ‘I just need to outrun you.
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: ‘What the hell was that all about?
A blind bunny and a blind snake bump into each other on the path.
“What kind of animal are you?” asks the snake.
“I really don’t know,” says the bunny. “I’ve never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out?”
So, the snake felt the bunny. “Well, you’re soft and cuddly,” said the snake. “You have long silky ears and a little fluffy tail. You must be a bunny!”
“Awesome!” says the bunny. “Now what kind of animal are you?”
“I really don’t know,” says the snake. “I’ve never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out?”
So, the bunny feels the snake all over, and he replies, “You’re hard and cold, and you haven’t got any balls. You must be a lawyer!”
Why was the young kangaroo thrown out by his mother? For smoking in bed.
Why was the skunk angry? He was incensed!
Why was the little bear so spoiled? Because its mother pandad to its every whim!
Why was the lion-tamer fined? He parked on a yellow lion!
Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet? It lives on ice!
Why is a reindeer like a gossip? Because they are both tail bearers!
Why dont whales eat sushi very often? Of course whales like sushi. Its just those itty-bitty chop sticks that keep getting stuck in their teeth.