As we grow older our Christmas list gets smaller and we find out that the things we really want can’t be bought.
A Scientific Disproof of the Santa Theory, and a couple of Rebuttals Thereto.
Original source: email@example.com (The Human Neutrino aka Linda Harden)
Original Title: IS THERE A SANTA CLAUS?
No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn’t (appear to) handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total – 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census)rate of 3.5 children per household, that’s 91.8 million homes. One presumes there’s at least one good child in each. Continue reading Santa Theory
So, Sven and Ole go out ice-fishin one day and Sven is havin a pretty good day, pullin the fish out a da water, one right after another. But Ole’s just sitt’n there with his line in the water. And, Sven keeps pullin ’em in and Ole keeps sittin there, fishin out of the same hole, cathin nothing. Until finally, Ole’s had enough and says to Sven, “Hey der, ah, what’s yer secret der, Sven?” And Sven says, “Ym gm tm fff yrm wm wm.” And Ole says, “Sorry?” And, Sven says, “Ym gm tm fff yrm wm wm.” And, Ole says, “What’s dat der, Sven, I can’t quite make out what yer sayin.” And, Sven says, “Ptui!”, spitting something out, “Ya got ta keep yer worms warm.”
A young man from up North was driving thru a rather lonely stretch of the South when he had car trouble. He flagged down a car and they called a tow truck that towed him and his car to the nearest town, which was nothing more than a bar and a guy with a shop in his garage. While he was waiting for his car to be fixed, he went into the local bar. As soon as he stepped into the bar, the whole place went quiet and every face in the place turned toward him with less than friendly expressions. The bartender spit at his feet and asked what he wanted to drink.
“I’ll have a white wine spritzer” he said.
The bartender slammed down a beer in a dirty glass, and said, “Yer not from around here, are you, boy?”
“No”, he said, “I’m from Milwaukee.”
The bartender said, ” “And what do you do in this here Milwaukee place?”
The man said, “I’m a taxidermist.”
With a sneer, the bartender said, “And what does a ‘tax-ee-der-meest’ do in this here Milwaukee place, boy?”
He said, “Well, I mount dead animals.”
With a big smile, the bartender slaps the bar and shouts, “It’s OK, boys. He’s one of us”
I just got off the phone with a friend in Minnesota.
She said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping below zero and the north wind is increasing. Her husband has done nothing but look through the kitchen window all day. She says that if it gets much worse, she may have to let him in…
Harry and Martha drank their coffee as they listened to the morning weather report.
“There will be three to five inches of snow today. You must park your cars on the odd-numbered side of the street.”
Harry got up from his coffee to move the car.
Two days later, they sat down with their cup of coffee and listened the weather forecast.
“There will be two to four inches of snow today. You must park your cars on the even-numbered side of the street.”
Harry got up from his coffee to move the car.
Three days later, they tuned in to the weather report.
“There will be six to eight inches of snow today. You must park your cars on the… .” The power went off.
He said to Martha, “What am I going to do now?”
Martha said, “Just leave the car in the garage.”
A young woman got lost driving in a New England snowstorm. A snowplow passed, so she started following it. After 30 minutes, the plow stopped, and the driver asked what she was doing. “My father always told me that if I got lost in a snowstorm, I should follow a plow,” the woman said. “Oh,” the driver replied. “Well, I’m almost done with this parking lot. If you want, you can follow me over to the next one.”
George Gibbs, 23, suffered second- and third-degree burns on his head in Columbus, Ohio, in January. He had diagnosed his car’s problem as a frozen fuel line, which he thought he could correct by running warm gasoline through it. He then tried to heat a two-gallon can of gasoline on a gas stove.
To thaw the frozen pipes in his house in Farmingville, N. Y., in January, John Porter backed his car up against an open window so the exhaust could warm up the basement. Shortly afterward, Porter, his wife, and their three children had to be rushed to the hospital suffering from carbon monoxide poisoning.