Dilbert’s latest vocabulary additions

BLAMESTORMING Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. SEAGULL MANAGER A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves. CHAINSAW CONSULTANT An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands. CUBE FARM An office filled with cubicles. IDEA HAMSTERS People who always seem to have their idea generators running. MOUSE POTATO The on-line, wired generation’s answer to the couch potato. PRAIRIE DOGGING When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on. SITCOMs (Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage) What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. SQUIRT THE BIRD To transmit a signal to a satellite. STARTER MARRIAGE A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets. STRESS PUPPY A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny. SWIPED OUT An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use. TOURISTS People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. “We had three serious students in the class; the rest were just tourists. TREEWARE Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material. XEROX SUBSIDY Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one’s workplace. GOING POSTAL Euphemism for being totally stressed out, for losing it. Makes reference to the unfortunate track record of postal employees who have snapped and gone on shooting rampages. ALPHA GEEK The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. ASSMOSIS The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard. CHIPS & SALSA Chips = hardware, Salsa = software. “Well, first we gotta figure out if the problem’s in your chips or your salsa. FLIGHT RISK Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave a company or department soon. GOOD JOB A “Get-Out-Of-Debt” Job. A well-paying job people take in order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent again. IRRITAINMENT Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find your-self unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example. Bill Clinton’s shameful video Grand Jury testimony is another. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE The fine art of whacking the heck out of an electronic device to get it to work again. UNINSTALLED Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voice-mail of a vice-president at a downsizing computer firm: “You have reached the number of an Uninstalled Vice President. Please dial our main number and a

Facebook Comments

Like