Fifteen things you should not do in the classroom

1. Do not fall asleep in class. The next dream that you have to be in the principal’s office.

2. Do not swear or yell obscenities. Remember: You want to get at least a B in his class and not a degree.

3. Do not wear low cut tank tops, or hats in the classroom. If it looks bad or wrong, it probably is.

4. Do not use nose rings or any other appropriate body sharps. If you can not pass the metal detector does not go to school.

5. No video games, cell phones, MP3 players or other electronic devices designed to drive your teacher crazy. So call me old-fashioned. You can make your work with an abacus. Eventually, you will be able to do some work on computers. Our teams are only ten years.

6. No spit balls and throwing decisions across the classroom. You know you is you are doing. Now stop it!

7. No heavy breathing in the classroom. This is allowed only if you have an asthmatic condition. Make sure you bring a note from your doctor.

8. They do not sing in the classroom. Leave for the choir. Screeching is not the same as speaking.

9. Do not cheat on their tests. Remember: I have eyes in the back of the head. By the way, I’m secretly an alien. If I catch cheating, he vaporized.

10. No kissing, hugging or kissing in the classroom. I just want to see you kiss is your final exam.

11. Absolutely not fart in the classroom. I have a smell detector. If you pass the gas will be sent out of class.

12. Do not pick your nose in the classroom. Stay home if you have a cold. I’m not doing a conference on Boogertown.

13. Do not leave your desk a disaster or in the soil around a disaster. Remember: If your desk is not clean, I will be average. We serve an arrest of an hour with a server.

14. Do not eat in the classroom. You can wait until lunchtime. If I see a drink in his mouth, spat. Also, do not chew gum in class. If I see gum blowing, the day is done in the classroom.

15. Do not hit or push anyone into the classroom. If you do not like someone in the class, only pretend. I see a lot of smiles and shining faces. Make your teacher happy so you can retire with his health intact.

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