Five Things You Need to Survive Winter

Tired of watching six inches of snow outside your house? Wondering how you can survive winter, even though you live in a comfy house with central heating and the works? Are you a naturist?

If so, you’ll love the Masterchev “Five Things You Need to Survive Winter”! As you may have guessed, there are five things you need to survive the cold breezy nights.

1) A partner of the opposite sex

Always underrated or overdated, having someone you can ask to make you a cup of tea is always a plus. If you have a kettle. And who knows, if you’re lucky you can always ask for supper.

2) A bunch of protestors angry about Tuition Fee rises.

Let’s face it. You need to keep warm. A few toasty campaign leaflets should give you a nice and hot evening. Poppies not accepted however!

3) A CD track of Christmas songs

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t to feel festive cheer. If you’re seeking to ensure you’re not disturbed, why not whack on a bit of Slade? Guaranteed to make sure you’re never disturbed again… or invited to parties!

4) A thermos flask

Scared Santa might actually be sneaking around your house? Why not whack him over the head with a Thermos Flask. Useful alternative liquids involve vodka, sherbet and everyone’s favourite: ice. Can also be used as long range throwing device to scare away postmen armed with Christmas Cards.

5) A plane ticket

Not for flying away, this item can be sent as helpful hints to those neighbours who just won’t give up the carol singing. Guaranteed a quick way for some peace and quiet this holiday.

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