Funny Stock Market Terms

CEO — Chief Embezzlement Officer.


CFO — Corporate Fraud Officer.


BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.


BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance,the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.


VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.


P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.


BROKER — What my broker has made me.


STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.


STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.


STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.


FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected.


MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.


CASH FLOW — The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.


YAHOO — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.


WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.


INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.


PROFIT — An archaic word no longer in use.

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