Funny Stock Market Terms

CEO — Chief Embezzlement Officer.

 

CFO — Corporate Fraud Officer.

 

BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

 

BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance,the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

 

VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.

 

P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

 

BROKER — What my broker has made me.

 

STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.

 

STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

 

STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

 

FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

 

MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.

 

CASH FLOW — The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

 

YAHOO — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

 

WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

 

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.

 

PROFIT — An archaic word no longer in use.

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