Thats an excellent essay for someone your age, said the English teacher. How about for someone my Mums age, Miss? Welcome to school, Simon, said the nursery school teacher to the new boy. How old are you? Im not old, said Simon. Im nearly new.Miss Jones agreed to be interviewed by Fred for the school magazine. How old are you, maam? asked Fred. Im not going to tell you that, she replied. But Mr Hill the technical teacher and Mr Hill the geography teacher told me how old they were. Oh well, said Miss Jones. Im the same age as both of them. The poor teacher was not happy when she saw what Fred wrote: Miss Jones, our English teacher, confided in me that she was as old as the Hills. Now remember, boys and girls, said the science teacher, you can tell a trees age by counting the rings in a cross section. One ring for each year. Fred went home for tea and found a chocolate roll on the table. Im not eating that, Mum! she said. Its five years old. Grandma: Youve left all your crusts, Fred. When I was your age I ate every one. Fred: Do you still like crusts, Grandma? Grandma: Yes, I do. Fred: Well, you can have mine. How old is your wife?Approaching forty.From which direction?An eminent old man was being interviewed, and was asked if it was correct that he had just celebrated his ninety-ninth birthday.`Thats right, said the old man. `Ninety-nine years old, and I havent an enemy in the world. Theyre all dead.`Well, sir, said the interviewer, `I hope very much to have the honour of interviewing you on your hundredth birthday.The old man looked at the young man closely, and said, `I cant see why you shouldnt. You look fit and healthy to me!