How To Speak Southern (Hah Tu Spek Suthun)

BARD – verb. Past tense of the infinitive to borrow.
Usage: My brother bard my pickup truck.

JAWJUH – noun. A highly flammable state just north of
Florida.
Usage: My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck.

MUNTS – noun. A calendar division.
Usage: My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I
aint herd from him in munts.

IGNERT – adjective. Not smart. See Auburn Alumni.
Usage: Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!

RANCH – noun. A tool.
Usage: I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup
truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago.

ALL – noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my
pickup truck.

FAR – noun. A conflagration.
Usage: If my brother from Jawjuh doesn’t change the all in
my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far.

BAHS – noun. A supervisor.
Usage: If you don’t stop reading these Southern words and
git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!

TAR – noun. A rubber wheel.
Usage: Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh doesn’t
git a flat tar in my pickup truck.

TIRE – noun. A tall monument.
Usage: Lord willing and the creeks don’t rise, I sure do
hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime.

HOT – noun. A blood-pumping organ.

HOD – adverb. Not easy.
Usage: A broken hot is hod to fix.

RETARD – Verb. To stop working.
Usage: My granpaw retard at age 65.

TARRED – adverb. Exhausted.
Usage: I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are
tarred.

RATS – noun. Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: We Southerners are willing to fight for out rats.

LOT – adjective. Luminescent.
Usage: I dream of Jeanie in the lot-brown hair.

FARN – adjective. Not local.
Usage: I cudnt unnerstand a wurd he sed … must be from
some farn country.

DID – adjective. Not alive.
Usage: He’s did, Jim.

EAR – noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in
LA).
Usage: He can’t breathe … give ’em some ear!

BOB WAR – noun. A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: Boy, stay away from that bob war fence.

JU-HERE – a question.
Usage: Juhere that former Dallas Cowboys’ coach Jimmy
Johnson recently toured the University of Alabama?

HAZE – a contraction.
Usage: Is Bubba smart? Nah … haze ignert.

SEED – verb, past tense.

VIEW – contraction: verb and pronoun.
Usage: I ain’t never seed New York City … view?

HEAVY DEW – phrase. A request for action.
Usage: Kin I heavy dew me a favor?

GUMMIT – Noun. An often-closed bureaucratic institution.
Usage: Great … ANOTHER gummit shutdown!

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