In answer to the Valentines Day card…

In answer to the Valentines Day card I received from my girlfriend this year:


I’m afraid you were wrong when you wrote that love causes the tide to turn. It is actually the result of the changing positions of the Moon and Sun relative to the Earth, coupled with the effects of Earth rotation and the bathymetry of oceans, seas and estuaries. 

In addition to this, it is not love which makes the stars shine. Instead, a star shines as a result of a thermonuclear fusion in its core releasing energy that traverses the star’s interior and then radiates into outer space.

Also, it is not love that makes flowers grow. It is, in fact, a complex electron transfer process known as photosynthesis, when chlorophyll reacts to the light created by the sun.

Finally, kisses, believe it or not, are not rain drops. Rain drops are, as it happens, liquid precipitation. It is the condensation of atmospheric water vapour into drops heavy enough to fall, not kisses.


To conclude, this relationship is not working. As nice as your rack is, I can not stand to listen to your drivel any longer.

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