It Was So Cold that…

We had to stop eating with metal cutlery. Some people walked around for days with spoons or forks stuck to their tongues!

Hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs!

Roosters were rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker!

When I dialed 911, a recorded message said to phone back in the spring!

The optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses!

Kids were using a new excuse to stay up late: But Mom, my pajamas haven’t thawed out yet!

Richard Simmons started wearing pants!

A streaker froze in mid-streak! The town council just stuck a plaque on him and pretended he was a Greek statue until spring.

UN weapons inspectors suddenly decided that chemical weapons might be hidden in Hawaii!

Pickpockets were sticking their hands in strangers’ pockets just to keep them warm!

The squirrels in the park were throwing themselves at an electric fence!

I chipped a tooth on my soup!

My Dad was wearing golfing gloves on both hands!

The dogs were wearing cats!

Starbucks was serving coffee on a stick!

People with traffic tickets would plead guilty and beg for the electric chair!

Terrorists started to stockpile weapons-grade hot chocolate!

Levi Strauss started manufacturing electric jeans!

The rats were bribing the alley cats for a snuggle.

We had to chop up the piano for firewood – but we only got two chords.

We had to carry around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our parkas!

When we milked the cows, we got ice cream! When we milked the brown cows – we got chocolate ice cream!

Words froze in the air. If you wanted to hear what someone said, you had to grab a handful of sentences and take them in by the fire!

The dogs had to put jumper cables on the rabbits – just to get them running!

Playboy magazine stopped publishing because no women would take their clothes off.

We pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside it to warm up!

The Husky Association was making emergency service calls to get the dog teams started!

When we parked the sled, we either had to plug in the dogs – or keep them running in place!

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