It was the first day of school in Marietta…

It was the first day of school in Marietta, Georgia, and a new student named Suzuki, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, Let’s begin by reviewing some American history. Who said ‘Give me Liberty, or give me Death?’

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki, who had his hand up. Patrick Henry, 1775, he said.

Very good! Who said ‘Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth’? Again, no response except from Suzuki. Abraham Lincoln, 1863., said Suzuki.

The teacher snapped at the class, Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do. He heard a loud whisper: Fuck the Japs.

Who said that? she demanded. Suzuki put his hand up. Lee Iacocca, 1982.

At that point, a student in the back said, I’m gonna puke.

The teacher glares and asks All right! Now, who said that?

Again, Suzuki says, George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister,


Now furious, another student yells, Oh yeah? Suck this!

Suzuki jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher: Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!

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